Curses to Coffee
by oy vey
Summary: After a long nights patrolling and coffee intake, all Tonks needs is to be hit with a spell banned during World War 2 for its effects on highly caffeinated blood... NTSS.
1. EnDienda and coffee issues

Black coffee was good...

Chapter One - EnDienda and coffee issues

...And no-one knew this fact more than Nymphadora Tonks. God-alone knew how many steaming polystyrene cups she went through on a night on patrol - and it was even worse when you were pacing a small village containing two bars. But the rules were strict: no alcohol on the job.

Of course, not everyone could control the cravings administered to the brain when it caught a whiff of the Butterbeer fumes coming from the Three Broomsticks, and many-a-night had Tonks spotted other Aurors staggering out of the bar. And on nights like this, it was all she could do not to just yell 'damn it all to hell' and go in herself.

'You drink too much of that stuff, Tonks.'

Kingsley was on patrol with her, again. Rarely a day went by when the two weren't partnered together - probably because of their case-history of working better as a team. 'Nah... you can never drink too much coffee,' she shrugged, sipping the scalding liquid.

'Yeah, sure. I never could get the whole muggle drinks thing.' Shacklebolt said, eyeing the beverage suspiciously. Tonks grinned at his expression - the man could be such a... _pureblood_, sometimes.

Another blast of icy wind swept past them both and provoked a shudder. 'God I _hate_ winter patrol.'

'You're not alone - on'y some of us aren't moaning.'

Without turning around, Tonks and Kingsley simultaneously greeted their grouchy colleague with a weary 'Evening Mad-Eye.'

Mad-Eye Moody stepped up beside them, swamped in his oversized trench coat, holding his wand inside his pocket. He, too, seemed to be under the impression that she consumed more than a healthy amount of black coffee each night, but once he had made his point in a growling lecture he seemed to want to leave it for her to consider, rather than repeat it every ten minutes like Shacklebolt and Hestia Jones.

'Ratchet wants us to go up to the castle and patrol the corridors for a few hours - just to be sure.' Moody said, sounding as though, in his opinion, he could show Mina Ratchet a thing or two about defence strategies.

'Brilliant,' Tonks sighed, finishing her coffee and vanishing the cup, 'how long is a few hours, exactly? I was supposed to be having dinner with my parents tonight, and it's going to rain.'

'A few hours.' Moody shrugged, turning and vanishing back into the village. Kingsley echoed her sigh and started up the muddy track to Hogwarts, his booted feet squelching in the rain-soaked muck, Tonks reluctantly trailing after him.

'This bites, man.'

'Oh don't be so pessimistic - at least we'll be out of the cold.' Shacklebolt's reasoning was doing nothing to improve Tonks' outlook on the orders.

'Yeah, but we'll have to watch over sleeping sprogs. If we have to do common rooms - you are _so_ on Slytherin duty.'

They reached the castle and Kingsley banged on the huge front doors. They swung open to reveal the shadowy forms of Professors McGonagall and Snape, fully robed and apparently waiting for the Aurors.

'Nymphadora, Kingsley.' McGonagall greeted them curtly, before ushering them into the entrance hall and closing the doors behind them. 'The Headmaster informed me that you were on patrol around the school corridors and, seeing as neither Severus or I had any interest in sleep, we have decided to join you.'

Great. Just marvellous. Tonks could have curled up in a ball and wept - she knew that the elder witch was going to pair them up and she also knew that she wouldn't be allocated with Kingsley. And she had no interest whatsoever in walking around a damp, dark castle with McGonagall or Snape.

'Shacklebolt, you can come and patrol the upper floors with me, Nymphadora, you will patrol the dungeons with Severus.' McGonagall ordered, turning and heading for the marble staircase.

Flashing her a sympathetic grin, Kingsley hurried after the Transfiguration teacher, leaving Tonks alone in the hall with Snape.

'I doubt the definition of 'patrolling' involves standing still.' Snape said sardonically, folding his arms. 'The dungeons are _that_ way, as you should remember through four years of exploding cauldrons in my lessons.'

'Yeah... thanks for that reminder, Snape,' sighing heavily, Tonks followed him toward the dungeon entrance. 'As if I couldn't remember four whole years of torture.'

'_You_ weren't the one who had to piece together a clumsy adolescent every other lesson.'

'No, but I was the one who had to endure the sarcastic comments of an oversized bat every lesson, so cry me a river.'

The dungeons were just as dank and grimy as she remembered, if not even more so. Once they were inside the maze of stone corridors they slowed, wands drawn and watching for any activity, returning back to idle insults to keep the conversation flowing.

'Look - it doesn't matter what you say, Snape. Rubber and glue, I don't have to listen to any of this.'

'Well unfortunately for you, you don't have Potter's level of arrogance - so a lot of the time you _do_ listen to all of this.' Snape sneered, rounding the corner to the Slytherin common room. 'Mudblood.' The tapestry swung aside, revealing a colossally sized underground room.

'God, your passwords get worse every week.' Tonks snorted, climbing in after him and stumbling on the edge of a green and black rug. 'Bugger... you really ought to watch where you put these things...'

'Unfortunately the interior decorators didn't choose the décor to suit your needs, Nymphadora. If they had, surely there would be no furniture in here at all?'

Low blow. Tonks glowered at him and turned to leave the room, stopping when Snape grabbed her arm.

'Where are you going? Minerva instructed us to-'

'Patrol the dungeons. There obviously isn't a rogue Death Eater in here, so let's go.' Tonks shrugged.

'And what about the dormitories?'

'You're kidding me, aren't you?' she stared at him, 'you can't seriously be suggesting that we go inside the Slytherin dormitories... I'd rather feed myself to the giant squid.'

'What happens if someone got inside one? I trust you remember Weasley's over-dramatic tale of how he woke up to find Black standing over him with a dagger?'

Tonks looked at him, convincing herself that he couldn't be serious. There was no way in hell she was going inside a Slytherin's dorm, especially when four or five of the buggers were asleep in them. It was like poking a sleeping dragon in the eye.

'Well _you_ do it, then. They're your house.' She shrugged, leaning against the wall and folding her arms stubbornly.

'I can't check the girls' dormitories.'

'Why not!'

He fixed her with a look and she relented. 'Fine, but I'm just opening the door and looking. That's it.'

'That's all that's required to make sure a Death Eater isn't amongst us.'

'Why the hell would a Death Eater hurt a Slytherin, anyway? Aren't they all future D.E's?' It was only once the words left her mouth that she realised what an insensitive question it was.

'Contrary to popular belief, Miss Tonks, not all Slytherins are supporters of Voldemort.'

Snape breezed across the room and vanished up the staircase to the boys' dorms, leaving her alone in the icy room. After a few moments of whacking herself on the forehead for her lack of subtlety, she headed across to the girls' staircase, grimacing and hoping to God that they were all asleep.

Wand drawn, she pushed the first door open and made sure that the only people in the room were five sleeping forms on the double beds.

_Wasn't so hard..._ Moving onto the next room, she repeated the process. Again, and again, and again, until finally she reached the last door.

Shoving the door gently, she peered into the blackness. At first everything seemed fine, until she raked her eyes across the room again. There, standing in the darkness by one of the windows, was a figure too tall and strong to be a Slytherin female. Before she could stop herself, Tonks gasped.

The silhouette spun around and automatically fired a curse her way, which she only just managed to dodge. The good news was, the man's yell woke up the girls in the dorm and caused an instantaneous commotion, involving lots of screaming and running.

Slytherin girls surged out of the doors all around Tonks and onto the landing, eager to know what the screaming was about.

'Get into the common room!' She bellowed, taking charge. The girls didn't need telling twice, but Tonks didn't wait to see if they obeyed her command - instead pushing her way into the dark dorm, wand drawn. The figure was no longer visible to her, but all windows were still intact and she had been blocking the only door, which meant that he was still in there somewhere.

'What happened?' A voice behind her hissed.

'I thought you couldn't come up here!' Tonks glared back at Snape. 'I don't know who it was, but the bugger fired a curse at me, which draws out any innocence pleas.'

'You take that side; we'll meet in the middle.' Snape muttered, nudging her toward the right. Nodding, she stepped forward slowly, praying that her eyes would hurry up and get used to the bloody dark. She knew from experience that Death Eaters were like rabid animals - dangerous at their best and lethal when cornered or afraid.

She approached the furthest bed and leaned across to check down the side. Inspiration striking, she crouched down close to the thick carpet and ran her eyes across the undersides of all the beds.

She was right. The figure was crouched to the left of the centre bed, his head turned in Snape's direction. The Potions Master was one bed from finding him. Tonks rose again and waved her arms madly, trying desperately to get his attention. It worked. He looked up and she jabbed a finger toward the middle bed.

Snape nodded and gripped his wand tighter.

'On three.' He mouthed. Tonks nodded and stepped slightly closer, grimacing as the man raised three fingers. 'Three,' he let the first one drop. 'Two...' That was as far as the Death Eater let him get. Smelling the scent of his own capture in the air, he leapt to his feet and fired a curse toward Snape, catching him in the chest. The Potions Master flew backward and hit the wall, falling to the floor and lying still.

'Bugger - _Stupefy_!'

Her hex missed its target and she was forced to throw herself to the floor to avoid another curse.

'_EnDienda!_' Christ - she'd never even heard of that one. At first it didn't seem to have any effect, but after a few moments she started to feel nauseous... her vision became blurred and blotchy and her limbs started to weigh more than they should.

'_Stupefy_!' She tried again, barely able to raise her wand. The spell connected with something, she was sure, but it gave off a sound of splintering wood - causing her to doubt her ability to work under pressure. If she couldn't even _see_ her target, how the hell was she supposed to hex him!

She was saved the effort - the door was flung open and McGonagall and Shacklebolt entered, the former firing enough hexes at the Death Eater to knock down a bloody muggle army.

'Jesus Tonks... what the hell happened?'

Shacklebolt heaved her to her feet and supported her there.

'Dunno...' She slurred, mentally cursing. 'He said sommat... EnDendo? EnDenda... somethin' like that anyway... an' I'm all sleepy...'

'EnDienda? Nymphadora - was it EnDienda?' McGonagall said, halfway through reviving Snape.

'Coulda bin... yeah, that sounds about right.' Her head was now throbbing painfully. 'Bugger... what the hell did it _do _to my _head_!'

'EnDienda is an old curse... I don't think many people used it after the World War One blackouts. During the Blitz an old wizard called Hemsforth accidentally hit his wife with it and uncovered the effects of the curse on highly caffeinated people. So as long as you haven't had much caffeine in the past hour, you should be alright.'

'Bugger, I'm screwed.'

'How much have you had?' Snape asked warily, rubbing his head.

'A lot.'

'How much is a lot?'

'In an hour... about four cups... maybe five. Whaddya think, Kings?'

'Five sounds about right. I _did_ warn you that so much coffee wasn't good for you.'

'Yeah, yeah... so what do we do about it?' Tonks asked, wincing at the pain in her head. McGonagall sighed and massaged her own temple, as though _she_ was the one with EnDienda and coffee issues.

'Severus?' The elder witch asked.

'You need a Parson Draught for starters... and Merlin knows where you're going to get one this time of the year.'

'Can't you make one?' Tonks begged, now in thorough agony. 'I'm gonna scream if I have to put up with this kind of headache for much longer.'

'I could only make one if I had the right ingredients... which I doubt.'

'What are the right ingredients, like?'

'Parson bone, Hemlock, Sinsore Negelus...'

'Okay, you lost me completely... can't you do it?'

'I could... Shacklebolt, can you drag her back through the dungeons to my classroom, then you can come back here and... do whatever you were going to do with the Death Eater.' Snape said, holding the dorm door open.

Kingsley nodded and picked Tonks up. She groaned as the sudden alteration in position sent her head reeling with pain and gripped the back of the Auror's robes, eyes clamped tightly shut.

'God that hurt...'

'Stop whining you sissy.' Shacklebolt grinned, carrying her back down the girls' staircase. From what she could make out of the blurred scene in front of her, the entire Slytherin house had congregated in their common room to see what all the commotion was about, and the five girls from the dorm were dramatically retelling the events to anyone who would listen.

They exited the room, to her relief - all the noise was drilling into her head like one of her dad's old screwdrivers. Kingsley followed Snape through the damp dungeon corridors, eventually coming to a stop outside Snape's classroom door.

'You can leave her here.'

Kingsley propped Tonks upright against the wall, allowing her to slide miserably onto the floor. 'You sure you don't need anything else?'

'Quite sure, thankyou.'

Snape waited until the Auror had vanished around the corner before speaking his password and leaning down to pull Tonks up again. 'Come on woman - you can at least _try_ to walk.'

'Bugger off - I'd like to see what _you_ look like after being hit with that End-Enda thing...'

'EnDienda.' Snape corrected, dumping her unceremoniously onto one of the wooden desks. 'And I _was_ hit with it; it's designed to hit anyone in the vicinity bar the wand holder.'

'So why are you spared unimaginable agony?'

'Because I hadn't consumed any coffee beforehand.'

He set about pulling ingredients from his store cupboard, cursing every now and then when he couldn't find something. Tonks made a weak attempt at sitting up, but lay back down again quickly straight away. Apparently any kind of movement was not recommended when it felt like there was a leprechaun with a sledgehammer living inside your skull.

'I _told_ you you'd be lucky to find a Parson Draught at this time of year...' Snape muttered, brushing past her toward his cauldron, several vials in his pale hands.

'You can do it, right? If you can't, I'm going to blow this bloody castle up. And don't think I can't!'

'I don't doubt your explosive expertise for a second, Nymphadora, but blowing up this castle won't affect your situation at all. Unless you were inside it at the time, obviously, in which case it would save you a lot of pain.'

'Gee, thanks for that. I feel so much better.' Tonks said sarcastically.

'Good to hear.'

She watched through aching eyes as he added more and more bits and bobs to the steaming cauldron, wincing whenever a particularly bright burst of white light flashed through the room.

'How long is this going to take?'

He glanced across at her in annoyance, as though she should be grateful for the fact that he was even trying to make the potion for her.

'Yeah, I know I'm being ungrateful. I'll be deeply gratified when my head _isn't_ about to explode.'

'It should only take ten minutes...'

Ten minutes. Great. Just sodding great... why couldn't cures to headaches work _faster_, dammit? No, actually, why couldn't that evil sod have hit her with a stupefying curse instead of something people had stopped using in World War Two! God, it was _so_ hard to find a _civilized _Death Eater to fight with nowadays... no-one played _fair_ anymore.

Then again, if life was fair she wouldn't be lying on a wooden desk in Snape's classroom - a place that after she graduated she swore she'd never return to - with an agonising headache. And of course, Kingsley was going to get all the sodding credit for the Death Eater's capture. He would _try_ to explain that it had been a combined effort from Tonks, Snape and McGonagall, but how could their colleagues congratulate three people who wouldn't even be _at_ the HQ that evening?

'Damn.'

That didn't sound good... opening her eyes again and turning her head slowly, Tonks looked at the blurry shadow she assumed to be Snape. 'Damn what?'

'I'm out of Sinsore Negelus.'

'Great... and what's that when it's at home?'

'Too much for your already overloaded and surprisingly small mind to handle.' Snape snapped, irritantly. 'I'm going to have to apparate back to my house... I keep some supplies there.'

'Great... and how long is this going to take?'

'Not as long if I take you with me.' He said decisively. Before she had a chance to argue that she didn't _want_ to go anywhere with him, never mind his _house_, he had magicked her into the air and was packing up his potion.

'Um... I'm not so sure-' she began hesitantly, aware of his Death Eater heritage.

'Hush woman.' Snape ordered, moving toward the fireplace and dragging Tonks along with him. He took a handful of Floo Powder from a clay pot on the mantle piece and pulled her in beside him, before throwing it to the ground. 'Spinners End, number four.'

Wincing at the painful brightness of the green flames enveloping them, Tonks closed her eyes and hoped to God that Snape had some of this Sinsore Negelus stuff at his house - she didn't think she could take the agonising headache much longer.


	2. Sinsore Negelus

Disclaimer: I don't own _everything_, but I own _something_.

Chapter Two - Sinsore Negelus

If she thought it was bad travelling by Floo on an average day, it was Hell with a thumping migraine. It was a relief when she finally stopped spinning and stumbled out onto Snape's living room carpet, lying still to try and regain at least _some_ of her hand-eye coordination.

'Wait there.' Snape said pointlessly. It wasn't as though she was going to get up and run away, was it? He vanished out of the room and up the stairs, apparently heading for his supply room... or cupboard.

If there was one good thing about being thrown past thousands of fireplaces in a green blur, it had improved the state of her vision slightly. The multi-coloured spots had now gone and things didn't look so much as though she was looking through her mum's old reading glasses. She even managed to smirk at Snape's décor choice.

'Fortunately for you, I found some.'

He was back, clutching his seemingly portable cauldron and a vial filled with a suspicious looking green and black liquid. 'And what the hell is that?' Tonks demanded.

'Sinsore Negelus...' Snape set the cauldron down on the coffee table and conjured a small, water-proof fire underneath it.

'It doesn't look edible.'

'It's not - it's poisonous.' Tonks narrowed her eyes at him. 'Oh don't be so pessimistic, woman. I'm not going to poison you.'

'Ratchet's gonna kill me.'

'Who?' Snape asked, pouring a few drops of the Sinsore Negelus into the cauldron.

'Ratchet. Mina Ratchet - the Auror-in-charge. I was supposed to be finishing all the damned paperwork tonight... ha, she'll have to make Kingsley do it.'

'It really doesn't surprise me that you have overdue work.' Snape said. Tonks glared at him but didn't say anything, instead propping herself up on her elbows and watching him work.

Once he had finished adding what she assumed was belladonna, he poured in some more of the Sinsore Negelus and stepped back as the mixture sparked dangerously.

'Bloody hell... and you expect me to drink that!'

'Yes. It's your own fault for drinking so much coffee.' The Potions Master shrugged, throwing half a Parson bone in.

'Well what else am I supposed to do to keep myself awake?'

'It is a never ending surprise to me how little you know about Potions. I seem to remember giving the same speech to every year since I began teaching at that infernal school - about how you can achieve _absolutely anything_ if you have the right concoction, and Hogwarts still ends up producing the most unintelligent dunderheads imaginable.'

'Thankyou, Snape, we all love you too.'

'I hold no interest in your opinion of me whatsoever.'

'Rubber and glue, Sev, rubber and glue. I hold no interest whatsoever in _your_ opinion of _me_, but you still seem to delight in giving it to me.' Tonks winced as the splodges returned to her eyes again.

'Perhaps you should be worrying about the effects of the EnDienda curse on your vision and hearing, rather than using up your only remaining active brain cells on insulting me.'

'I'm telling you, when I can see straight again and your head isn't covered with a purple and green splodge, I'm going to do more than sodding insult you.'

'Don't start taking this out on me; it's your own fault.'

'Yeah, yeah - I get the coffee speech from everyone at work; I don't need it again thankyou.'

Tonks lay back again and closed her eyes, thinking that at least if she were asleep the pain would vanish for a while. No such luck, obviously.

'Don't go to sleep.' God, she could kill that man sometimes.

'Why not?'

'Because you might not wake up again.'

Fine. Not waking up again was _fine_ with her - as if she needed the stress of explaining what had happened to her boss, the other Aurors and then twenty eager trainees. No, a long, long sleep was just what she needed right now. The technical nerds could call it a coma if they liked, she preferred to refer to it as a long snooze.

'I'm serious.'

'Bugger off.'

Sighing audibly, Snape waved his wand and muttered a spell. The next thing she knew Tonks had a bucketful of icy water emptied over her head, jerking her out of her little reverie and bringing a whole new level of pain to the mix.

'Ow, you son of a-'

'I did warn you. The Parson Draught is almost ready.' Snape interrupted, standing up and crossing to the drinks cabinet, presumably to retrieve a glass. He returned, however, holding a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey.

'You? An alcoholic? Who'd have thought it... ?' Tonks gave a weak grin.

'Very funny, Nymphadora. This takes away the edge of pain the Draught will give you. And you might want to make yourself comfortable, because it will most likely knock you out for a few hours.' He filled a glass with the potion and handed it to her.

'Cheers.' She said glumly.

'Meanwhile, I have to return to Hogwarts. I'm sure you are capable of apparating to your Auror HQ, and I would strongly advise you not to consume any caffeine within the next few hours.'

'Trust me, I'm off the stuff for a _long_ time,' she sighed, looking at the potion suspiciously.

'Good.' With one last wave of his wand, Snape dissaparated.

Tonks stared at the Draught for a few moments, before raising the glass to her lips and tentatively swallowing a mouthful. Excruciating pain followed. Her head felt literally as though it was being ripped in half, and it was all she could do not to scream.

Fortunately it didn't last, and a few moments later her head cleared miraculously. She could see clearly and the little leprechaun with his sledge hammer had been cheerily disintegrated by the potion.

Getting shakily to her feet, she tried her hardest to concentrate and apparated back to HQ, where Ratchet was holding a meeting for all senior Aurors. They all looked up at Tonks' entrance.

'And here's the hero of the hour herself.' Ratchet grinned.

Tonks stored her wand away and took her seat beside Kingsley as the Auror-in-charge took up her speech where she left off.

'You okay?' Shacklebolt whispered.

'Yeah... fine.'

'Good... you'd need to be feeling reasonably well to swallow what Ratchet's just told us.'

'And what's that?'

'She's posting four Aurors in Hogwarts - one for each house.' Kingsley watched her face and gained the exact reaction he had anticipated. Tonks groaned. She knew _exactly_ what was coming...

'... and I eventually decided that Tonks, Kingsley, Mad-Eye and Hestia should go. Dumbledore and I already allocated you to the houses, Kingsley to Gryffindor, Mad-Eye to Ravenclaw, Hestia to Hufflepuff and Tonks to Slytherin-'

'That is _so_ typical.' Tonks muttered darkly.

'- you begin tomorrow evening, so pack your stuff.'

Once Ratchet was finished explaining to them in detail what they would be doing during their stay at Hogwarts, Tonks had checked the time and, swearing graphically, raced out of the building to the apparition point. Then it was on to Baker Street, London.

'Nymph!' Her dad opened the door, as fat and lazy as ever. 'It's been so long... your mother isn't happy. You're late.'

'I know, I couldn't help it. Auror stuff.' Tonks apologized, stepping into the small hallway and waiting for her dad to close the door and lead the way into the dining room.

'How is the 'Auror stuff' going these days?' Ted chuckled.

'Hopefully not as dangerous as it was before?'

'Mum!' Tonks hurried to embrace her mother, almost tripping over the cat on the way. 'Sorry I'm late - I got hit with a curse and had to get the cure from Snape.'

'Severus Snape.' Andromeda wrinkled up her nose.

'Yeah, the one and only. How've you been?'

The two women moved into the lounge, where Ted had already taken up his usual spot in front of the TV, and sat down on the plush sofa. It seemed that her mum had done some redecorating since Tonks had last visited.

'Ted and I are fine, Nymph... how are you? We don't hear anything of you anymore.'

'I'm fine.' Tonks said sincerely. 'I'm being moved to Hogwarts tomorrow to guard the Slytherins for a while. We found a Death Eater in one of the girl's dorms tonight.'

'A Death Eater? Oh my Lord... are you alright?' Andromeda asked, wide eyed.

'I'm fine, mum! Stop fussing. Trained Auror, remember?'

Patting her daughter's hand, Andromeda got to her feet and went into the kitchen to fix their drinks, while Tonks turned back to her dad.

'So how's the family tracing stuff coming along?' She asked, smiling. Her father had been trying to trace his birth parents for months; ever since he found out he had been adopted at the age of three. 'Any luck?'

'Oh, I didn't manage to tell you, did I? I found my birth father - man called Frederic Cashaw, delightful fellow... we had lunch the other week and discussed cars.' Ted grinned. Cars were his favourite subject.

'Honestly dad - sometimes I think you and Mr Weasley should meet.'

Andromeda re-entered the room and placed a drink in her daughter's hands. 'Weasley...? Aren't they the 'blood traitors'?'

'If you must put it that way, yes they are.' Tonks said sourly, sipping her drink.

'I didn't mean it like that and you know I didn't. So what hex did this Death Eater hit you with?' Andromeda asked, obviously trying to change the subject. Gulping down more of her beverage, Tonks informed her about the EnDienda curse.

'EnDienda... I've heard of that.' Ted said slowly.

'Vicious thing. Apparently it was banned in World War Two because of its effects on caffeinated people. Hence the reason I cant drink any more coffee for the next half hour or so.' Silence fell...

'Nymph...?' Andromeda said weakly.

'What?' Her daughter asked worriedly, seeing her mother's expression. 'What is it?'

'You're drinking coffee.'


	3. I drank coffee

Coffee was bad...

Chapter Three - Green natives

... And no-one, repeat, _no-one_, knew this better than Nymphadora Tonks.

The cup slid from her fingers and fell to the floor, splashing the scalding liquid over her trainers. Bugger. That was _so_ typical - she couldn't even go half an hour without doing something unbelievably stupid.

'Honey? What... do you need anything?' Andromeda asked. Ted turned the TV off and sat forward, exchanging a worried glance with his wife.

'No... no, I'm fine.' Tonks sighed with relief. She really was fine. Perhaps it wasn't _guaranteed_ to have an effect on her, after all, she _had_ waited half an hour... still, it wasn't a risk she wanted to take. She rose to her feet. 'Sorry mum... I'll have to pass on tonight.'

'Okay, sweetie... as long as you're alright.'

'Hopefully I will be. Mind if I use your fireplace?' After her father nodded, Tonks stepped into the vast hearth and threw a handful of Floo Powder at her feet. 'Hogwarts, the dungeons.'

Hopefully Snape wouldn't have gone to bed yet.

He hadn't. He was stood against his desk when she staggered out of his fireplace, coughing ash up out of her lungs.

'Evening Nymphadora.' He said calmly.

'I drank coffee.'

'Surprise, surprise. Don't worry, I anticipated your stupidity and saved you some of the Draught.' Snape said, holding out a glass to her.

'God... thanks, Sev.' She had _no_ idea why she had called him Sev. It just seemed easier to say than Snape or Snivellus (a bad habit encouraged by Sirius). 'I don't know what I'd do without you.'

'Probably suffer from another serious migraine before lapsing into painful unconsciousness and eventual death.'

'Thanks.'

Grimacing at the immediate headache, Tonks downed the glass and set it back down on the nearest desk. 'I was worried you'd be asleep.'

'No, I knew you'd end up drinking coffee after I strictly ordered you not to. Plus I've got a lot of work to do for tomorrow's classes... and the Headmaster wants to see me about something to do with Aurors...'

'Yeah, Ratchet's moving four of us in here.'

'Oh God no. Why?' Snape asked, scribbling on what appeared to be some unlucky student's Potions essay in red ink.

'Um... I'd have thought that was obvious. Anyway, she's allocated one to each house, to keep a close eye on the dorms. And you'll never guess which lucky bunny got Slytherin,' she added bitterly. Snape grinned... wait... had she just made him _smile_? Weird... 'We start tomorrow.'

'Well I wouldn't worry so much - the Slytherins hold you in rather high favour at the moment.'

'With my darling cousin in the house? Bloody hell - why!' Tonks exclaimed, sitting on one of the desks and watching him scrawl on another unfortunate essay. She couldn't quite suppress a grin at the memories of her own Potions essays - always coming back with crude and sarcastic comments scribbled in the margins.

'In their eyes, you risked your life to save theirs. Slytherins can be rather dramatic at times. Something amusing about my marking, Nymphadora?' He added, raising an eyebrow.

'Just remembering the essays _I_ did that you used to mark. You were a bloody evil git, you know that?' She chuckled.

'I was truthful. Your essays were astoundingly bad.' Snape shrugged.

Tonks grinned and hopped off the desk, turning and heading back to the fireplace. 'Don't mind if I borrow some Floo Powder, do you? I need to go grab my stuff before Ratchet drags me out of bed at three a.m. for briefing.'

'Not at all.' Snape replied without looking up. Tonks took a handful of the itchy powder and threw it at her feet.

'Engleford tower block, flat eighty three.' Warm green flames shot up around her and, for the third time that evening, she was thrown into the complex maze of fireplaces, eventually falling onto her own sitting room carpet. Sighing, she brushed her clothes off and went to pack her things for Hogwarts.

She laughed. The sentence was one she hadn't said to herself since her own days at the school... it sounded somehow strange when said now.

'Morning dear.' The talking clock on the mantle piece was the only magical piece of furniture in the flat, and was a little out of synch. The time on its hands was right, sure, bearing the time eleven p.m., but the sleepy voice that greeted her was far out.

'Its evening.' Tonks corrected it out of habit and crossed the flat to her bedroom - messy as always. She carefully selected her older clothes and holier jeans; if tonight was any preview to what was to come she would be ruining a lot of garments. It was bad enough being the clumsiest person in the vicinity, but being the clumsiest person in the vicinity supposed to fight Death Eaters was a whole lot worse.

Once she had finished artfully throwing her belongings into the trunk at the end of her bed, she collapsed onto the soft mattress and sighed heavily, hoping that Ratchet wasn't planning on briefing her too early in the morning. She really needed a good night's sleep.

'Wakey, wakey!'

Why, in the name of all things magic, had she bought that damned clock? Not only did it tell the time and greet her when she fell out of the fireplace, but it also served as an echoing, annoyingly-loud alarm for when Ratchet's head appeared in the fire.

'Tonks? Tonks, get your lazy arse out of bed!'

'Yeah, yeah...' Tumbling off the side of the bed, Tonks crawled to the door and out into the living room, weary with fatigue.

'Morning sunshine.' Ratchet grinned. 'Time for your morning briefing, so up and at 'em.'

'I hate you.' Tonks yawned, getting to her feet and stretching. 'I really, really, really hate you. First you put me in with the Slytherins, then you wake me up at... what time is it?'

'Half past ten a.m.' the clock put in helpfully. Tonks' mouth dropped open and she woke up fully.

'What!'

'Exactly - the others are here and waiting for you, so hurry up.' Ratchet's head popped out of the fire and Tonks turned back to her bedroom, purposefully banging her head on the doorframe as she went. Unsubtle. Again. God, couldn't she think before she spoke just _once_!

Dressing quickly, she grabbed her trunk and Flood to the HQ, where Shacklebolt, Hestia and Moody were sat on the hard metal chairs in the briefing room.

'Sorry guys.' Tonks grimaced, sitting beside Shackles. 'Didn't notice the time...'

'Right, now that you're all here...' Ratchet stood in front of them. 'You're whole purpose for the next few weeks is student safety. And teachers, obviously,' she added as an afterthought, 'but they're adults and qualified wizards, so they don't need as much help as the children do.

'Just remember to keep your eyes and ears open at all times. While the sprogs are in lessons, you four will be patrolling the corridors around them, when they are in their common rooms so are you, and when they are eating in the Great Hall you're checking the school grounds.

'I don't want any moaning about overwork, because you four could save the lives of hundreds of students - don't look at me like that, Tonks, I'm not being over dramatic - so I want you're full attention on this. You do not leave the school unless they do. On Hogsmeade trips they only take one year at a time, so two of you will accompany them. Clear?' she barked, finally.

'Yeah.' The Auror's echoed.

'Good... good luck and try not to get yourselves killed. That includes you, Mad-Eye. Now bugger off.'

'Gee, we love you too.' Kingsley grinned, before grabbing his bag and dissaparating. Tonks took the handle of her own trunk and followed, appearing beside him in the vast entrance hall.

'Aah - you're here.'

The teachers were waiting for them, accompanied by Hagrid the games keeper and Argus Filch, the unpleasant caretaker. McGonagall addressed them.

'I assume Miss Ratchet has informed you of your houses? I am the Head of Gryffindor; Severus Snape is the Head of Slytherin; Celina Sprout is the Head of Hufflepuff and Natasha Sinistra is the Head of Ravenclaw. The Head of your house will show you where you will be staying.'

Patting Tonks on the back sympathetically, Kingsley strolled off toward McGonagall. The other teachers dispersed, leaving only she and Snape.

'Great. Back in school,' she commented to break the silence.

'I'm sure the children aren't going to like this any more than you are.' Snape smirked, sweeping toward the dungeons. Hexing her trunk into feather-weight mode, she followed.

'Tell me I don't have to sleep anywhere near the sprogs... not that I'm going to get much sleeping done with Ratchet's new defence schemes. I swear - she's out for world domination.' Tonks snorted, tripping down the steps and steadying herself on the wall.

'No, you don't have to sleep near the... _sprogs_.'

'But then again, how good can it get, sleeping in the dungeons... remind me again - why do you do it?'

'Trust me; I have tried to get out of it. But it is only apt for a Potions Master to sleep near the Potions classrooms. Although the redcaps get rather nasty down here.' Tonks froze in her tracks.

'_Tell_ me you didn't just say what I think you did.' She said.

'What?'

'Redcaps... redcaps... I'll bloody _kill_ Ratchet!' She snarled, marching after him and, to his amusement, sliding on the wet floor. The only thing stopping her falling flat onto her arse was a metal bracket on the wall, and even that didn't seem too sturdy - no doubt weakened by rust.

'They aren't so bad if you know how to deal with them.'

'I _don't_ know how to deal with them!'

'Oh... well never mind, they get bored of drinking your blood while you sleep after a while.'

That was it. Vanishing her case, Tonks turned around and marched back the way they had come. If Mina Ratchet thought she was going to spend her nights having her blood sucked, she had another sodding thing coming. In the form of a very frustrated young Metamorphmagus with a wand.

'Nymphadora!' Snape appeared in front of her, black eyes glittering mirthfully. 'I was joking - redcaps avoid humans at the best of times, and they only eat pondweed.'

'A joke? You call that a joke!' Tonks said in a strangled voice. 'But... you... I... that...' She eventually gave up trying to find words and settled with following him back into the dungeons.

Wait a minute... Snape made a joke. _Severus Snape_ made a _joke_. A joke. A joke that would actually have been funny had she not been scared stupid. What was the world coming to...?

'It's Tonks.' She said suddenly, realising what he had been calling her for the passed few hours.

'What?'

'It's Tonks. I hate Nymphadora.'

'Oh. Well I'm hardly going to walk around school calling you Tonks, am I? Second names are for students... and people who don't want to be called by their surname.' Snape added.

Tonks rolled her eyes and almost crashed into him when he came to a sudden halt. 'Ow... what have we stopped for?'

'This is it.'

She glanced from him to the thick, vault-like, black door facing them. 'Brilliant - I'm going to be sleeping in a safe.'

'Stop whining. _Velirimortis_.' The door swung open but Tonks didn't move; she was staring at Snape with an incredulous expression.

'Tell me you don't expect me to remember what you just said.'

'What's wrong with it? It's one of the most valuable Potion herbs there is-' He broke off, taking her point. 'Fine, what do you want the password to be?'

'Uh...' she grinned. 'EnDienda. That's something I won't forget in a while.'

'And no-one else would guess it either.' Snape nodded. 'Impressive for someone with such a little mind.'

'My mind's bigger than yours.'

'You don't even know what Velirimortis is.'

'Neither do you.' She retorted lamely.

'What? Of course I do.'

'Liar - I think you're making it up.'

'This is extremely childish.'

'This is extremely childish.' Tonks mimicked, crossing her arms to copy his own pose. Snape arched an eyebrow at her, which she also imitated perfectly, and turned away, robes sweeping behind him. 'I win!'

'Excuse me?'

'You backed out, I win.' She grinned and entered her new quarters, slamming the door behind her before Snape could contradict her happy little tirade.

The room could have been worse. It was typically decorated in the Slytherin colours, but it had a king-sized bed, decent bathroom and a fantastic fake view of the lake. Of course, the lake was somewhere above them, so it couldn't be real, but someone had magicked up a brilliant mimic.

Magicking her trunk back, she sat on the end of the bed and grinned around at her new room. Things may not be so bad after all...

Then again, it wasn't as though she was going to get to spend much time in here with all the patrolling she had to do. In fact, she'd be lucky to get any sleep at all.

Someone had pinned a small calendar of Hogsmeade trips to the stone wall, telling her that the next one was at the weekend. She hated being in Hogsmeade on patrol - everyone else got to go in and out of the warm shops, spending their money on chocolate or warm drinks, while she and the other unfortunate Aurors were forced to stand out in the snow or rain freezing their bits off.

'Nymphadora?'

Screaming, Tonks backed into her trunk and fell, landing on her back on the cold stone floor. 'Hey Al...' Wincing, she heaved herself back up and faced the fireplace she hadn't noticed, which now contained the old Headmaster's head.

'Just checking in, Nymphadora, sorry to have startled you.' He smiled, blue-eyes twinkling. 'And how are you finding your new temporary home?'

'The natives are all gits.' Tonks grinned.

'I'll pretend I didn't hear that.' Dumbledore chuckled. 'I don't suppose you could do me a favour, could you? I understand that you're going to have your work cut out for you, patrolling the corridors and such, but would it be at all possible for you and your fellow Aurors to check in on Hagrid every now and then? He doesn't live in the castle, and I do worry about him...'

'Sure, no problem.'

'Thankyou. Will you be attending dinner tonight?' He asked.

'Can't. We're under strict instructions that while you're all eating we're supposed to be patrolling the grounds.' Tonks said regretfully. If there was one thing she missed about life as a student at Hogwarts it was the _food_.

'I'm sure that you can make dinner on the first night. No-one's going to tell Miss Ratchet...' Dumbledore smiled mischievously and for a second he looked like a cheeky young boy.

'Well when you put it that way...'

'Good, good. You and the other Aurors will be sat at the teacher's table at the front - we've added four chairs for you.'

His head vanished and Tonks chuckled. Of course Dumbledore would break Ratchet's rules to make things easier on them - she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that. Well, even if she had to patrol the corridors and watch over Slytherins all day, at least she had dinner that afternoon to look forward to.

Speaking of watching over Slytherins all day, she was supposed to be in their common room at the moment, watching over them before they went down for breakfast. Great. God knew what they were going to say to that.

Well, it wasn't what they were going to _say_ that worried her so much as what they were going to do...


	4. Aches and Cravings

A/N: Hehe, loving writing this story, would greatly appreciate reviews. Thousands of them. Now.

Chapter Four - Aches and Cravings

She got the shock of her life after spending ten minutes in the Slytherin common room.

They weren't treating her like she had thought they would. Of course, Draco didn't speak to her, but she hadn't expected anything more of him - but she was a half-blood Auror... and she found herself being included in Slytherin conversation.

'That was _so_ brave of you, taking on that Death Eater like that... Professor McGonagall told us how he hit you with the EnDienda curse, we've been learning about it in History of Magic.'

From what Tonks could tell, the girl chatting away ten to the dozen to her was Pansy Parkinson - Draco's girlfriend. She felt rather smug about the fact that her cousin didn't look happy at all that the dark-haired girl was paying more attention to her than him, and indulged herself in a little self-praise. 'Yeah... it bloody well hurts, too.'

'My sister was in that dorm; Primrose. Prim, c'mere!' A shy looking younger girl walked over, looking at Tonks with something that could have been awe on her face. 'Prim, this is... do we call you miss?'

'No, Tonks is fine.'

'Prim, this is Tonks, the Auror that saved you.' Pansy said. Primrose Parkinson held out a small hand for Tonks to shake before sitting down on her other side and watching her admiringly. 'I think it was a _brilliant_ idea to put Aurors in the school, in case Death Eaters break in again.'

'Yeah.' Several Slytherins around Pansy chorused in agreement.

'Are you eating breakfast in the Great Hall?' Pansy asked.

'No, I'll escort you all down there if you like but we have to patrol the grounds while you eat.' Tonks said, watching Draco out of the corner of one eye. He was looking sourer by the minute, and his wand was gripped in one hand.

'Every meal time? When do you eat!' One of Pansy's friends exclaimed.

'Well... I don't eat that much anyway, but my boss has ordered us that we're not here to eat or sleep, we're here to make sure no-one gets into the school.' Tonks admitted, checking her watch and cursing at the bare space on her wrist.

'Oh... who's your boss? I don't know whether to be annoyed at her for making people work without rest or food or grateful for her obviously avid interest in our safety.'

'That's surprisingly sensitive for a Slytherin.' _Think before you speak, dammit! _

'Yeah, we get that a lot. Not everyone in the house is modelled around Draco.' Pansy glanced up at her boyfriend and rolled her eyes. He was flirting with another girl - obviously to draw her attention away from Tonks. 'Fortunately.'

'Pans, breakfast ends in ten minutes.' The previously spoken friend chirped up.

'I'll walk you all down.' Tonks offered, rising and following Pansy toward the tapestry. Draco brushed carelessly passed her and latched onto his girlfriend's arm, shooting his cousin a murderous look on the way.

She escorted the Slytherins to the entrance hall, where Kingsley was waiting for her. 'Had fun with the Slytherins?'

'Surprisingly not as bad as we'd have anticipated.' Tonks confessed as they walked out onto the sunny grounds. 'I was sat talking to Pansy and Primrose Parkinson.'

'Fun, fun, fun.'

'No, they actually weren't that bad... Primrose was shy, bless'er.'

'Tonks.' Kingsley took hold of her by both shoulders and shook her. 'You _hate_ kids... and besides, don't sympathy with the Slytherins - they're all Death Eater cadets anyway.'

He carried on walking through the grounds toward the lake, but Tonks hesitated. Hadn't she made the same comment to Snape the previous night? A comment she had known was insensitive. Shaking her head, she jogged to catch up with him, stashing her wand away incase she fell (which she did).

'Did Dumbledore invite you to dinner tonight?'

'Yeah... and we get to sit with the teachers, how weird is _that_ gonna be!' Tonks added, grinning childishly.

They patrolled the grounds until they heard the first bell ring up at the castle, at which point they were supposed to walk around the corridors near their allocated House's lessons. So after a high-fived farewell, Tonks grabbed the six Slytherin timetables McGonagall was holding out and glanced down at them. First years - Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs, second years - Potions with the Ravenclaws, third years - Care of Magical Creatures with Gryffindors, fourth years - Divination (they didn't take this with a different House), fifth years - Astronomy with the Hufflepuffs and sixth years - Herbology with the Gryffindors.

Deciding that she may as well start with the eldest as they were outside, Tonks turned back around and stored the timetables in her vast cloak pocket, heading for the three large greenhouses at the edge of the Forest.

When she knocked on the door an incredible ruckus could be heard from inside. Ron opened the door and let her in, grinning from ear to ear before returning to pulling a long, spiky tentacle away from Hermione.

'Er...' There wasn't really much else to say. 'Everything's alright in here, is it then?'

Of course, she had meant 'alright' to be the fact that there weren't any Death Eaters in the vicinity, but the sixth years still managed to shoot her glaring and sarcastic looks between batting the tentacles away.

'Thorned Venomous Tentacula.' Professor Sprout yelled over from her position in what looked to be the safe end of the greenhouse. 'Better not stay long Tonks - things could get ugly.'

'No, why don't you stay? We can use you as bait.' Draco smirked across at her.

Ignoring him, Tonks closed the door again with an apologetic glance at Harry and moved onto the third years. Brilliant, another Gryffindor Slytherin class - if this was what they were like in lessons she didn't want to _know_ what they were like in Quidditch games.

'Tonks!' Hagrid greeted her warmly, waving a gargantuan hand to beckon her over. Oh God... this meant he had a new and 'wonderful' creature to show the class. 'S'good teh see yeh... an yer in fer a treat t'day.'

'Uh, yeah, but I can't stay long... I've got six sets of lessons to check on...'

'C'mon then!'

Glancing at Tonks with petrified faces, the third years waited for her to follow Hagrid before hurrying after, being sure to stay close behind her. It seemed that it made them feel a lot better having an Auror between them and the huge games keeper.

'I hope it isn't another grizzlidoff he's going to show us...'

Recognising the voice, Tonks glanced to her right and grinned to Primrose Parkinson. The girl looked a lot happier around her own friends than her sister, and even managed a weak grin to the Auror.

''Ere 'e is!'

Oh Christ, the man had to be kidding. He had what appeared to be a grizzly bear with horns. Jesus, where on the bloody black market did this guy _shop_!

'What is it?' Tonks bravely asked, eyeing the creature with a mixture of fear and mild interest.

'It's a grizzlidoff.' One of the students answered for her. 'A cruel experiment on a bear that eventually created a lethal species.'

'Oh... uh... yeah...'

'We've been studying them for weeks.' Primrose added.

Tonks pretended to check her watch and turned an apologetic face on the students and Hagrid. 'Sorry, I've still got four other years to check in on and God-knows how many different lessons... I'll check up on you during second period.' She promised, before turning and jogging up the stone path to the gates.

Once she was in the courtyard she checked the timetables again and headed across to the dungeons. The poor second years were no doubt receiving their marked essays; she grinned and picked up her pace to beat Kingsley to the bottom of the marble staircase. From there he went up and she went down, into the murkiest and darkest part of the building, and, consequently, the place she was going to be staying. Happy, happy thoughts.

'... ridiculously written essays, you will _not_ be gaining any bonus _points_, McDowell, so watch your tongue. Ten points from Ravenclaw.'

The class looked up as the door creaked open and Tonks stepped in. 'Just checking up - everything alright?'

'Fine, thankyou, Miss Tonks. But tell me your great strategy is not to ask me that every time I have a Slytherin lesson for the next few weeks.'

Tonks grinned openly. 'That was the plan, yeah.'

'Then I will probably get no work done. I would suggest you rethink that little plan of yours.' He turned away, signalling that their little conversation was over. She didn't take the hint.

'Actually, I'm only doing it to your classes to annoy you.' She shrugged, gaining an approving little titter from his class and vanishing back into the dungeons before he could yell or throw something at her.

Transfiguration, Divination and Astronomy. Typically at exact opposite sides of the castle, she couldn't help but notice as she climbed the several hundred steps to the top of the Astronomy Tower.

'Hello Miss Tonks.' The teacher greeted her with a warm smile. 'I'm Natasha Sinistra - the Astronomy teacher and Head of Ravenclaw.'

'Nice to meet you. It's Tonks.' Tonks panted, shaking her hand. 'I just crawled up three hundred-odd stairs to check that no Death Eaters flew in the window.'

'No Death Eaters.' Natasha Sinistra grinned, waving a hand around her classroom. 'But you're welcome to sit in for a while, if you like?' God that would be great. Those chairs looked so comfy...

'No, I have to trek around the other side of the school now and check up on the Transfiguration and Divination lessons. God knows how Hestia's doing - she had to be given a map 'cos she didn't go to Hogwarts. Christ knows how I'm going to survive like this for the next few weeks...' Sighing heavily, she turned and started jogging down the steps again, mentally noting that once this was over and she was done killing Ratchet she was going to take a long needed vacation.

'All okay?'

Hell yeah, they were all fine, all _they_ had to do was sit on their arses listening to some crackpot in specs predict their morbid and death-ridden future.

And as for the Transfiguration class... she didn't even want to get started. Not only did she get a lecture from McGonagall about making a weary appearance three minutes before the bell, she also got told off once again for popping into the room and asking if everything was alright. Ungrateful sods, teachers.

When she was eventually able to slide down the wall beside Kingsley she didn't think she had the energy to get back up again for the bell. She had managed first period, but if they were all going to be like that then she had her work cut out for her - racing around the massive castle in fifty minutes to check on six or more lessons, when it probably took an average person that long to get to the other end of the building was insane and impossible.

'This bites ass.' She said miserably, watching the students hurry passed on their way to the lessons. 'Why do they put them do damned far apart!'

'Not a clue. It's Hestia I feel for - trying to get around here with nothing but a map... jeez...'

'Moody's got it easy - no-one's going to yell at him for making a 'haphazard appearance three minutes before the bell' are they?'

'McGonagall?'

Tonks nodded. 'Miserable old crone.'

'I hear that. Hey, speak of the devil.' The two leapt to their feet as the old witch marched over, looking furious.

'You weren't sent here to sit down! You were sent to watch the students, which is exactly what you should be doing!' She snapped, before whirling around and storming off.

'If the Death Eaters come,' Tonks muttered darkly. 'I hope they get her first.'

By the time she managed to collapse into her new bedroom that evening after the final lesson she didn't know whether she even had the energy to go down to dinner.

She eventually managed to drag her aching limbs to the door and walk slowly and painfully in the general direction of the entrance hall.

'Taking your time, aren't you?'

She couldn't even be bothered to make a sarcastic comment to the passing Potions Master - heading for the hall at a much quicker pace than she.

She reached the entrance hall at the same time as Hestia and Kingsley, both of whom looked as shattered as she felt. They both raised a weary arm in greeting and waited for her to catch up.

'How far away is Saturday?' Hestia asked after a moment as they headed for the great hall. 'We're on... Friday, right? Tell me we're on Friday.'

'It's Wednesday.'

Tonks and Hestia groaned audibly and made their way through the rowdy tables of Slytherin and Gryffindor, heading for the teacher's table. Moody had already arrived and was chatting to Sinistra. An empty chair sat on her other side beside Snape, to which Kingsley escorted Tonks with a mirthful grin. She was too tired to argue, and simply settled with resting her head on the back of the hard chair.

'Something wrong, Tonks?' Natasha Sinistra asked, brushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear and popping some chicken in her mouth.

'No - fine, fine.'

'How's Ratchet's defence plan coming?' Snape asked lightly, not looking at her.

'It sucks.'

'Right. Have you thought to speak to her?'

'No.'

'Why?'

'Two reasons. Number one, Mina Ratchet won't listen to anyone. Not even Moody. Especially not me.'

Snape smirked slightly. 'And reason two?'

'It would kind of work if we didn't have to trek around the fricking four castle walls... checking in on the students every lesson is going to protect them more... it just sucks for the Aurors, is all.' She sighed, looking at her plate with a lost appetite.

'Seeing as, according to you, this is going to be one of the only meals you eat in here, I would suggest you actually _eat_ something.'

'Not hungry anymore.'

'Nevertheless...'

'Nah... I think I'll go patrol the grounds like a good girl.' She sighed, getting up and smiling gratefully at Dumbledore.

On her way passed the Gryffindor table, Fred and George grabbed her arms and pulled her down between them.

'Hey twins.' She said warily.

'Evening Nymphadora.' George said regally. 'Cheese soufflé? Chicken Chow-Mien?'

'Custard Cream?' His brother finished with a roguish grin.

'Ha, ha, but unfortunately I've got to patrol the grounds.'

'Again?' Hermione asked, sounding scandalized. She was sat opposite Tonks beside Ron and Harry, watching the conversation with mild interest. 'You've been patrolling all day - Merlin knows how many times you've gone around this castle.'

'True, but we aren't supposed to be eating in here with you anyway. While you're eating we should be patrolling.'

'But... when do you eat?' Ron asked, frowning.

'According to Ratchet's regime, we don't.' Tonks shrugged. 'We don't eat, sleep or rest; we just patrol and keep an eye on you lot. Well... Kingsley keeps an eye on you; I keep an eye on the Slytherins.'

'Lucky you.' Why did people keep _saying_ that!

'Well... I should probably go now; I'll see you all later.' She smiled tiredly and continued out of the hall, flashing a smile to the Parkinson sisters on her way past.

The grounds were dark when she got outside, and a blast of chilly air hit her instantly. Very welcoming. What she could really do with now was a nice cup of hot, black coffee... no, that would be suicidal. Then again, what were the chances of another Death Eater attacking her with the same curse? It was a pretty stupid curse to use, actually, unless you knew exactly how much coffee your target had drank in the past hour.

Everything was pretty still. The tops of the trees were disturbed only by a slight breeze ruffling the branches, the surface of the lake was black and tranquil and the path to Hogsmeade was deserted.

Nothing to worry about.

Famous last words.

She turned around in time to find herself face to face with an alarmingly familiar Death Eater.

'Hello Nymphadora.'

'Hello Fenrir.'


	5. Sinsore Watcher

Disclaiming reminder: I own everything... except the stuff I don't.

Chapter Five - Sinsore Watcher

Why did these things always happen to her? Why couldn't they happen to _Kinglsey_, or _Hestia_! Why did it always have to be _her_?

Fenrir paced up and down in front of her gleefully - obviously delighted that of all the people he could have run into on his little vendetta it was his most hated cousin.

'What are you doing here?' Tonks asked carefully, aware that the slightest thing could push him over the edge and end with her lying in the mud with her neck snapped and several limbs missing.

'I got a little peckish. Hogwarts always was good for when I wanted a little snack, and now's no different. What are _you_ doing here?'

Tonks gripped her wand tighter. 'I'm on patrol here.'

'Patrol? What are you, an Auror!' Fenrir sneered. Tonks chose not to answer him, for her own safety. The man took this as confirmation and the smile fell, to be replaced by flashing yellow eyes and snarling teeth. 'An Auror? Someone in my family is an _Auror_!'

'Yes.'

'I knew we should have killed your traitorous mother when she ran off with that mudblood, but the Baroness Black wouldn't let me, would she. I suppose I'll just have to settle with ripping _your_ throat out.' He smirked.

Tonks risked a glance up at the great hall windows, hoping that someone, _anyone_, had seen out of them that she was in big trouble and needed help. But the only table close enough was the teachers, and they were all sat with their backs to the window. What kind of a bloody architect _built _the damned place!

'No, they won't help you,' he saw where she was looking, 'they're too busy eating their sickening food.'

'Uh... remind me again, why are you here?' She was getting desperate, and he could smell it.

'Oh no, little Nymphadora, there's no getting out of this one.' He sneered, mouth watering as he stepped closer. 'I've waited to gnaw on your pretty little neck for a long time.'

He began to change; robes tearing away from his expanding body and landing in tattered pieces on the floor. She knew the ritual by now, having seen Remus himself change once or twice, and turned to use his momentary vulnerability to her advantage. She raised her wand, ready to curse him into next week, only to have it batted out of her hand and stamped on.

'Help!' She screamed at the top of her lungs, her eyes desperately raking the great hall windows for any sign that someone had heard her. Apparently not.

Turning, she took off away from the werewolf, crawling, scrambling and running up the muddy slope. If he scratched her...

She didn't even want to think about it, and sped up slightly. If she wasn't closer to the castle by the time his transformation was complete, it was over. She was dead. Greyback could possibly be fuller, depending on whether he wanted to eat her or just rip her apart for the sheer fun or it.

'Kingsley! Sinistra! Dumbledore! Snape! Parkinson!' She screamed out any name that came into her head until her voice broke and she couldn't anymore. A deafening roar behind her informed her of her cousin's new form. Great. Within a few seconds he'd be on top of her, tearing through her flesh and probably covering himself in her blood. Fenrir liked to make a dramatic entrance whenever he returned from a hunt, and what was more dramatic than turning up covered in blood he could claim was Tonks'?

By some miracle she reached the main doors and skidded into the courtyard, her robes torn and almost every inch of her spattered with mud.

'Kingsley!' She shrieked hoarsely.

Fenrir vaulted the towering wall and appeared in front of her, a snarling, drooling werewolf. Tonks backed away slowly, eyes wide and heart pounding. Christ... _why_ were her mother's family all inbred fanatical purebloods!

Then she spotted something. By some phenomenon, her wand had managed to get caught in the matted fur near his ankle - still in one piece despite being stood on. If she could somehow reach it...

The werewolf lunged for her, claws outstretched toward her neck. Tonks only just managed to throw herself to the right, landing painfully on the stone floor. Fenrir was at her again in an instant, barely giving her time to scramble up and race for the doors.

Then something happened that made her heart skip a beat. Several beats actually.

A claw grabbed her leg, dragging her back and breaking the skin. It was over. He had scratched her - she was doomed to become one of them. Bugger, that sucked.

Kicking out instinctively, she yanked her leg out of his grip and found herself pinned to the floor by a two hundred pound werewolf. Claws tore a chunk out of her stomach and she desperately held up two scratched arms to protect her neck and face, searching for a chance to-

It came. The 'wolf stopped clawing at her for a split second and she arched her back, throwing him off her and grabbing for her wand at the same time. God-alone knew what she looked like at this point.

'_Stupefy_!' She screamed, throwing all the strength she could muster into the one word. It worked. Fenrir the werewolf collapsed to the floor, eyes wide and glassy.

By the time she threw the entrance hall doors open and walked in, covered in blood and mud and dragging an unconscious werewolf, most of the school was leaving the great hall. Silence fell upon her entry.

'Oh yeah, you'll be sodding quiet now won't you!' She muttered, throwing the werewolf down and passing out.

'... telling you, Headmaster, she should be in St Mungos! The Healers there, they could treat this much better than I and-'

'Ow!' Tonks opened her eyes and winced. She was lying in what appeared to be the hospital wing, in a considerable amount of pain.

'Aah, you're awake.' Dumbledore was sat on one side, beaming. 'Feeling better?'

'I was bitten by my arsehole of a cousin, who's consequently a werewolf, and thrown about the muddy grounds after a long day of traipsing around this sodding castle and getting told off like a student.'

'Fine, then?'

'Ha ha. Oh yeah, and I'm now probably a werewolf.' She added bitterly.

'Not quite. Severus just managed to produce you the healing potion in time, so you won't turn into a werewolf.' Dumbledore smiled. Tonks stared at him suspiciously.

'What's the catch?'

'It tastes disgusting and you have to take another dose in ten minutes?'

Tonks slowly began to grin with relief. Well, on the upside of things, she wasn't going to be joining Greyback on hunts (hopefully they would have given him to the Dementors anyway) and she wouldn't be able to patrol for another few days at least...

'How long am I confined here, then?' She asked.

'Until the weekend at least.' Madame Pomfrey said sternly. 'You may have been prevented the pain of having to turn into a werewolf once a month, but the wounds you received were still horrendous.'

'Oh...'

'Oh yes, and Kingsley, Alastor and Hestia have all volunteered you to accompany the seventh years to Hogsmeade on Saturday.' Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling.

'How nice of them.'

The Headmaster excused himself and Madame Pomfrey forced Tonks to lie back down again, telling her that she needed rest and that just because she was an Auror she wasn't immune to infection.

So she did as she was told and laid her head back on the white pillow. The clock on the far wall claimed that the time was twenty five passed one - the students would still be in their lessons. She grinned, remembering all the times when she was in school, sneaking out of the hospital wing to go with her friends to Hogsmeade. It seemed like an enticing idea, but without anyone else in the ward Pomfrey would be keeping a close eye on her. Curses to the healthy stupid students.

'Feeling better?'

Twisting around in surprise, Tonks rolled over to find Snape sat in Dumbledore's seat, face as complacent as ever.

'Yeah... I suppose. Thankyou, for making that... whatever it was... the werewolf thing.' She said sincerely.

'Not a problem.'

'Uh, actually I believe it's the second potion in two days you've made to save my life.'

'Save your life? Miss Tonks, I hardly think being a werewolf would kill you-'

'Yes it would.'

Snape arched an eyebrow and sat back, arms folded over his chest. 'It can't be that bad. I still supply Lupin with the potion, and he's doing just fine.'

'Lupin's used to it.'

'He wasn't when he was first bitten.' Tonks pointed out. 'Anyway, moving off the subject of werewolves, thankyou.'

'You're welcome.'

'Aren't you supposed to be teaching?'

'No. I have Gryffindors and Slytherins in fifteen minutes, but other than that... free.' He shrugged. 'The Headmaster suggested that I come and visit you.'

'Did he now? Nice of him, wasn't it, seeing as I'm bored senseless.'

'Bored? Aren't you supposed to be resting?'

'Resting's boring. I'm sat, aren't I?' Tonks reasoned, glancing across at the matron's office. 'I'd rather be... no, actually, I wouldn't rather be patrolling.'

'Wise choice... interesting hair choice.' Snape added, a smile flickering on his lips. Tonks frowned and looked around for a mirror. The only one visible was at the other end of the ward so, with a last check of the matron's office, she swung her legs out of bed and jogged down to it.

Oh Christ. She forgot. Whenever they passed out (or died, apparently) Metamorphmagus' looks returned to normal - or what they _should_ look like. Her face was still the same, but the pink hair had been replaced with close-cropped dirty blonde.

'Bugger, I was hoping the world wouldn't ever have to see this.' She muttered, concentrating on the pink hair again.

'It's better than having lurid pink hair.' Snape commented.

'You really think?' Tonks glanced at him, unsure of whether or not he was winding her up. He looked reasonably serious, so she returned the hair to its dirty blonde shade. 'Hmm... I s'pose.'

'Has Dumbledore informed you that your peers volunteered you for the Hogsmeade trip?'

'Yeah... I'll bloody kill them all.' Tonks growled, sitting back on the bed. 'God - that's just like them to take advantage because someone's unconscious. What day is it?'

'Friday.'

'Friday!' She exclaimed. 'I've been asleep for the better part of _two days_! Are you kidding me!'

'No. Oh, and the students have a present for you.' Snape added, smirking. 'Granger, Potter, the Weasleys, Parkinson and her sister... and some other various students from all houses... came up with a clever little design for you.' He reached into his pocket and handed her a wristwatch. 'They gave the other Aurors one too, but I believe the most care was taken on yours.'

'Right... and what did they do with it? You said _Weasleys_, so if Fred and George had anything to do with this...'

'No, they didn't hex it. I believe one twin wanted to, but Granger wouldn't allow him. It's so that you don't have to race around the castle every lesson. See the six lights dotted around the watch? That's for each of the years of Slytherin you have to watch. Three people in every class has fitted something on their own watches, so that they can press this device three times every lesson - beginning, middle and end - and the light will flash green. If they press a different button it flashes red, to signal that they are in trouble. There are three of them just incase one accidentally presses red.'

Tonks looked down at the watch. It was beautifully made, and someone had magicked an engraving of a serpent into the green and silver design.

'I believe the snake was added by Miss Parkinson senior.' Snape added.

'Wow... I never knew students on mass could be grateful...'

'Well, your dramatic little entrance last night convinced them all of your heroic status.'

'Yeah, it was dramatic, wasn't it?' Tonks chuckled, remembering. 'What did they do with the arrogant, self-obsessed, greedy, fat-headed-?'

'Greyback? They handed him over to the Dementors. He's in Azkaban.' Snape replied. 'And they aren't letting him out any time soon.'

'Buggers to letting him out at _all_.'

'Well unfortunately you aren't the only one who is being forced to accompany the pupils to Hogsmeade.'

'Why, are you going?' She was surprised that Snape ever actually left his dungeons. _Insensitive_. 'Well, at least I won't be on my own with some violent sprogs.' She shrugged.

'Except that they probably hero worship you. Or at least treat you like one of their own, which has never happened with an adult before.' Snape added, frowning slightly.

'Now I _know_ you mean well, but this woman needs rest!' Pomfrey emerged from her office looking flustered and ushered Snape toward the door.

'See you tomorrow.' Tonks yawned. The Potions Master raised a hand in response and left the ward, leaving Tonks to lie bored for several hours.

'Miss Tonks.'

Jesus, _just_ when you start to get to sleep.

Tonks opened her eyes and glared blearily at the matron. 'You have visitors.'

'Really? Who?' Tonks sat up and rubbed her eyes.

'You can come in now!' Pomfrey shouted to the door, which swung open to reveal Harry, Hermione and the Weasley children (not counting Bill and Charlie). 'Now don't make too much noise and don't take any longer than fifteen minutes.'

'Alright.'

Once the matron had vanished once more into her office they sat around her on the bed, all grinning brightly.

'Did you like the watch?' Hermione asked.

'Yeah, it's _brilliant._ Hey, what do you call these? Gred and Forge could sell these, you know.' Tonks said seriously.

'Yeah, we did think of that Nymphadora.' Fred nodded.

''We decided to name them the Sinsore Watcher Watches.' Hermione giggled. 'Snape told us what the missing ingredient to the cure for the EnDienda curse was. And you technically _are_ a watcher, so...'

'Cool.' Tonks smiled. 'It's a brilliant idea - yours, I presume?' She looked at Hermione, who blushed modestly.

'No, Fred and George helped, and Harry and Ron... then Pansy Parkinson suggested putting it on a watch...'

'Yeah, it was all Hermione.' Ron interrupted, putting a hand over Hermione's mouth and grinning. 'The Slytherins were surprisingly eager to help out though... when we told them to bugger off Parkinson said that you were _their_ Auror, so they should help.'

'Really? Huh. So did you hear about my so-called colleagues volunteering me for toddler duty in Hogsmeade tomorrow?'

'Tomorrow? That was a little mean, wasn't it?' Ginny asked. 'Should you really be up and about so soon?'

'I'll be fine. I don't intend to actually watch you, anyway, I'm gonna get a drink.' Tonks shrugged.

They stayed chatting for a while longer before the matron escorted them out and ordered her back to sleep. Tonks sighed. Her throat was dry and she was craving a strong cup of coffee - but there was no way in hell she was about to ask for some.

Still, a warm bottle of Butterbeer in the morning ought to do it.


	6. Glamour of the Damned

'But I thought you were rubber and I was glue. Boing - flip.'

- Lawyer, Scrubs

(**A/N: Er... Sharpie has informed me of several mistakes made in the chapters, and since I cannot PM them to thank them, I'll do it here, along with an explanation. SEE BOTTOM**.)

Chapter Six- Glamour of the Damned

'Come on Nymphadora - wake up.'

Tonks yawned and opened her eyes, almost hitting the matron in the face when she stretched her arms skyward and wincing against the sudden burst of morning sunlight. 'Oops - sorry Poppy.'

'Quite alright Nymphadora. I am on instruction from the Headmaster to wake you - he seems to think that otherwise you'll be late for the Hogsmeade trip.'

Tonks sat bolt upright. 'Whoa, I forgot about that... when do they leave?'

'In ten minutes, but-' the matron began, curiously.

'TEN MINUTES!'

Tonks ran.

She scrambled out of the bed, bid farewell to a confused Madame Pomfrey (who had obviously never had Tonks' trouble with getting ready on a morning) and raced through the school, ducking and diving to avoid collisions with shocked students. She made it to the top of the marble staircase before remembering that she was wearing the infirmary's white pyjamas. And on top of that, the seventh years were already gathered in the entrance hall.

The Weasley twins, who were still at Hogwarts for marketing research, were evidently accompanying them, and they were the _last_ people Tonks wanted to run into in her pyjamas. Creeping back out of sight, she cursed graphically.

'Language, Nymphadora.'

Just the _one_ thing to make her situation so much worse - Dumbledore strolling pleasantly down the corridor and accompanied by an amused looking Snape.

'Uh... this... _isn't_ what it looks like.' She stammered.

'I'm not entirely sure _what_ it looks like, Nymphadora.' The Headmaster smiled, eyes glittering. 'But I would suggest you make haste to get dressed before the students leave without you.'

'Um... sir?'

'Oh, of course. Severus will lend you his cloak until you get back to your room, I believe.'

Snape compliantly took of his cloak and handed it over to her. He looked strange without it - like he was missing a vital body part - and wouldn't be able to make his usual sweeping entrance and exit to and from rooms any more.

'Thanks.' Tonks grinned, wrapping it around her shoulders. 'Just someone keep an eye on where the Weasley twins' wands are.'

'We will.'

Dumbledore smiled and she took it as her cue to hurry ahead of them into the entrance hall and down the marble steps. Aware that the bottoms of semi-bare legs were showing due to the fact that she couldn't hold the cloak together that far down, she picked up her pace and jumped down the steps to the dungeons, ignoring Fred's grin and wolf-whistle as she passed. God, the boy would do _anything_ to annoy or humiliate her.

Once she was in her room she threw the cloak down and grabbed her jeans from the floor. They were torn and tatty, like all the clothes she wore, and managed to assist her in regaining her usual look when combined with a pink Chamillitary T-shirt. (A/N: I'm sorry! I wanted it to be Weird Sisters, but she _always_ wears that one and I want a Chamillitary shirt (from the Chamillionaire ridin' music vid).)

The seventh years were still waiting for her when she jogged in.

'Nice hair.' Pansy Parkinson commented, smiling friendlily. She linked the surprised Aurors arm and tugged her along after the rest of the Slytherins, flashing a triumphant smirk over her shoulders at the disgruntled Gryffindors.

'Oh, I meant to say thanks for the watch.' Tonks said, remembering. 'It's beautiful. I like the serpent.'

'Thankyou!' Pansy beamed, reaching to her other side and dragging Primrose across to them. 'She helped too. Prim, Tonks was just saying thanks for the watch.'

'Oh, you're welcome.' The younger girl smiled.

'So what are you doing when you get to Hogsmeade?' Pansy asked, cutting her sister off as they passed through the courtyard and onto the dirt track to the village.

'Uh... I've got to patrol and stuff-' so it was a small lie, but she had the feeling that the Slytherin girl was about to invite her to go around Hogsmeade with them and the last thing she needed was several eager and gossip-loving seventeen year olds interrogating her about fighting Fenrir. Besides, she would have to patrol a little at the beginning of the trip...

'Oh, that's a shame. If you didn't you could have come with us. Still, I suppose you can walk there with us and tell us about that werewolf you fought off last night-'

Allowing the girl to go on nattering, Tonks looked around desperately for an escape. The only pair of eyes that met hers were the sparkling black irises of the Potions Master, viewing her situation with a very amused face.

'Help me!' She mouthed.

'... must have been _so_ painful being scratched like that, and shouldn't you be a werewolf? _Are _you a werewolf?' The girl stopped to breathe and Snape took advantage, grabbing Tonks' other arm.

'Nymphadora, we have a problem with the defence systems in Hogsmeade - can I have a word?' Without waiting for an answer, he yanked her away; barely giving her time to shoot Pansy an apologetic look.

'Christ almighty - thankyou.' She sighed, groaning. 'I mean don't get me wrong - she's a nice girl, but the chatter drives me insane. She reminds me of my mother - she can talk ten-to-the-dozen.'

'It must be genetic.' Snape said, smirking.

'Ha bloody ha.'

They walked on in silence for a while, Tonks stumbling every now and then on a stray rock she hadn't seen (but somehow everyone else managed to avoid) until they reached the entrance to Hogsmeade and the dirt track turned into a quaint cobbled road.

'You know the routine,' McGonagall shouted from the front of the group, 'stay with friends and don't stray too far away from the others - stay in the village and be ready to head back in three hours. Tonks, Professor Snape and I will be patrolling around.'

The students spread out, heading into separate shops lining the streets - Honeydukes, The Three Broomsticks, The Hogs Head (for the more daring), Foster's Firework Supplies, the Owl Emporium...

'Patrol. Great.' Tonks sighed glumly. 'I hate patrol.'

'It's not that bad.' Snape reasoned as they set off toward McGonagall, who was beckoning them over impatiently.

'Yes it is. And I've got answer to a mean old hag who treats me like an eight year old.' She added viciously. Snape snorted, alarming her severely, and they reached the 'mean old hag' (who was now tapping her foot and giving them a very mistrustful look).

'It's about time. Nymphadora, you can take this street here as you are probably incapable of patrolling back alleys, which Severus and I will do.'

Tonks' mouth fell open and she stared at the older witch. 'Well excuse _me_, but I believe _I_ was the one who spent the whole of yesterday - Wednesday, sorry - racing from one end of the castle to the other a thousand times, and then fought a werewolf. Without my wand.'

'Yes, it's surprising what one can accomplish when they are in desperate situations, isn't it?' McGonagall said cattily.

'Well the next time I see a werewolf I'll pit _you_ against him, shall I?' Tonks snapped. How dare the witch treat her like one of her students after she had saved most of their arses by risking her own - _twice_! 'Let's see how well you do.'

'I can assure you, _Nymphadora_, I could overcome a werewolf without returning in the over dramatic and tragically heroic state you did!' The older witch's voice was now high pitched and furious and her eyes were flashing angrily.

'Oh, so _that's_ what this is all about. My being heroic, which I _obviously_ did on purpose. Do you _really_ think I wanted to have to go into the entrance hall covered in blood!'

'I wouldn't be surprised, you attention seeking-'

'Bitch!'

'How _dare_ you speak to me like that!'

'God you are so up your own arse you stupid-' she was aware it was childish, but she couldn't stop the words from exiting her mouth. Thankfully, Snape did.

'_SILENCIO_!'

Tonks and McGonagall both fell silent, panting and red-faced with anger, and surveyed the scene around them with an air of surprise. It seemed they had both forgotten they were standing in a populated village. Students, obviously hearing the noise they were making, had flooded from the shops and were standing in a semi-circle around them watching the battle, and Snape had his wand pointed directly at the mute couple.

'When you are quite finished, Minerva, Nymphadora.' He said calmly, before turning back to the students and glaring at them until they all dispersed. '_Finite Incantatum_.'

The two witches remained silent, although still glowered at each other hatefully.

'Minerva - I think it would be better if you patrolled the shop fronts, Nymphadora and I will watch the back alleys for any sign of movement.' Snape's tone told the Transfiguration teacher that he was taking no crap from either her or Tonks, and if she wanted to disagree he was sure the Headmaster would love to know what she had been doing.

'Fine.' The elder snapped, whirling around and marching off to find some unfortunate student to chastise for being immature.

'Come on.' Snape said quietly, pulling Tonks away from the bright shop fronts. 'Well that was bracing.'

'She started it.' Tonks muttered darkly. 'I think she fancies you.'

Snape stopped so fast she walked into him and fell backward to the hard cobbled floor. He turned around and arched an eyebrow at her as she heaved herself back up and brushed her muddy clothes off slightly. 'What did you just say?'

'I said she started it.'

'No - after that.'

'I said I like orange pineapples.' She said innocently. 'Why, don't you?'

'No, seriously. Minerva does _not_ fancy me.'

They continued walking down the darker alleys, Tonks trying desperately not to laugh at the havoc she had inevitably caused in Snape's mind.

'Minerva loves you.'

'What!'

'I said I could eat some stew.' She looked at him as though he was mad. 'Are you feeling alright?'

'Yes, and for your information, Minerva and I have been married for the past four years.' Snape said. 'We have three children called A, B and C, and have sex whenever possible in the castle. All over the castle.' He added for good measure.

Tonks just stopped and closed her eyes, praying that he hadn't just said what she thought he had. Snape did _not_ just tell her that he and McGonagall had sex whenever possible in the castle, all over the castle... he had _not_, he had _not_, he had NOT! Dammit, the last thing she wanted to imagine was McGonagall doing something she should have stopped several decades ago.

'Are you intending on standing there all day?'

'Yes - I just heard the most disturbing sentence of my life.'

Snape chuckled. 'I was kidding - you do realise that. I don't want to _know_ what sex with McGonagall would be like, thankyou very much.'

'Good. I _love_ the way your mind works.' Tonks grinned, skipping to keep up with him. 'It's fantastically warped.'

'Thankyou, I have often been told that.'

They patrolled the back alleys for fifteen minutes before deciding to head back onto the shop fronts and check on how McGonagall was doing, despite Tonks' mutterings that the old hag would probably be sat in The Three Broomsticks drinking herself to sleep.

She wasn't.

McGonagall met them as they passed Honeydukes, a look on her face to rival Tonks' mother's when she had smashed one of her antique Goblin-made vases.

'Anything?' The older witch asked tightly, speaking directly to Snape and acting as though Tonks wasn't present.

'No - it's all clear.' Snape replied, equally formal. They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before McGonagall opened her mouth to speak, thought better of it, turned and stalked away.

'Right... well that was sufficiently embarrassing.' Tonks sighed.

'Hmm... Hog's Head?'

'Sounds good to me. Trying to avoid the juveniles, are we?' She grinned widely. 'Good thinking Batman.'

Snape narrowed his eyes at her, obviously taking the use of the word Batman as an insult against him. 'I would expect that kind of childishness from the children, Nymphadora, but not _you_.'

'No, it's a phrase, Sev. From the muggle film Batman.' She explained quickly. He eyed her suspiciously for a moment, before nodding in understanding and leading the way toward the Hog's Head.

'Do me a favour, would you? Explain how people can see me having a resemblance to a bat.'

Ooh... awkward. Her brain working at the speed of light, Tonks desperately tried to think of a way to put it in words that wouldn't make him hate her forever as they sat down at a corner table.

'Well...' She began slowly. 'You kind of have this knack of appearing behind people without their noticing, and I think your cloak does it too... it's kind of cool, really... matrixy.' Snape raised an eyebrow. 'Never mind... and you kind of look a bit... _vampirish_.'

'Vampirish?'

'Yeah. All pale. And you wear long black cloaks.' She added for good measure. 'But don't take it personally - I get worse at the office.'

'Oh really?'

'Yeah, it's a long standing joke is my klutziness.' She shrugged. 'Shacklebolt and Moody just encourage it... gits.'

'Oh, right.' Snape got to his feet and crossed the room to the bar to get the drinks, leaving Tonks to wonder why it was only now he had decided to ask someone why people thought he was like a bat. I mean, God, _she_ had made references to it back when she was at school. Maybe he had only just noticed... she grinned. He'd have to be pretty oblivious to his surroundings to not notice it for several years - it was a fairly used insult against him, and it wasn't like he was the most liked teacher in the school.

Sitting back, Tonks allowed her mind to wander back into the times she had staggered into the Potions classroom ten minutes late, bruised all over from tripping over the damned loose bricks on the path down there. He had merely arched an eyebrow and made a sarcastic comment to give the Slytherins a laugh.

'Here.' He was back, sitting opposite her and placing a bottle of Butterbeer down on the table.

'Thanks.'

She toyed with the bottle for a few minutes, thinking about what an evil git he had been. Then again, he was like that with everyone, and anyone but Potter taking it seriously would just be silly.

'What are you thinking about?' He asked abruptly.

'My days in your Potions classes.' She said thoughtfully. 'God, you were so mean and degrading.'

'You stumbled into every single one of my lessons at least ten minutes late covered in bruises.' Snape pointed out, smirking. 'It was an opportunity I was not able to allow to pass.'

'Yeah, well I wasn't talking about that time. I'm still trying to forget that.'

'It was incredibly amusing, watching a small girl with green hair topple into a full cauldron.' He grinned. 'Especially one filled with an invisibility potion.'

'I almost _drowned_!'

'Oh don't be so melodramatic.' Snape chuckled at the memory. 'The Slytherins _loved_ it - mind, I had to take a few points of my own house... although it was worth it by far.'

'You took five points off! And you were laughing at me!' She cried in a strangled voice. 'I used to _hate_ you after that - even more than Potter does now, I'd bet.'

'That's pushing it a little, isn't it?'

'Maybe.'

The door swung open and several familiar voices reached Tonks' ears, compelling her to twist around on her chair and watch the so-called Golden Trio enter the Hog's Head. 'Wonder what they're doing in here.'

Hermione caught her eye and waved, leaving Harry and Ron to get the drinks so she could go over to talk. 'Hey Tonks, Professor Snape.'

'Miss Granger.'

'What you doing in here?' Tonks asked. 'Shouldn't you be in The Three Broomsticks?'

'Well since we first came here for the DA meetings we discovered how quiet it was and now whenever Harry's in a bad mood or doesn't want to be plagued with other students we drink in here instead.' Hermione explained as Ron pressed a Butterbeer into her hand.

'Are we drinking with Tonks or by ourselves?' He asked, yawning.

'No, we'll leave them alone. C'mon.' She grabbed the front of his blazer and pulled him back across the room to an empty table.

'Well thank Merlin for the girl's brains.' Snape muttered. 'The last thing I wanted was to have to make conversation with Weasley.'

_Yeah, well I didn't want to have to break up another fight between you and Potter either._ Tonks thought, waving in response to Harry's grin. 'He's smarter than he looks, Ron. He just doesn't try.'

'I'm sure.'

'Don't be so bloody hypercritical - you should have seen how brave he was at the Graveyard last year. He saved my arse once or twice. Were you even there?' She added, curiously.

'Yes, I was one of the masked Death Eaters. I had to look like I was killing Aurors without actually killing one - it was very hard.'

Tonks sipped her drink, half grinning. 'I'll bet that was fun.

'Oh it was. Especially when they tried to kill me back.'

linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinebuttlinelinelinelineli

Okay, so you can see the line... but can you find the butt? (It's 4 ½ line's in from the end)

Okay, mistakes...

As for the part where one minute Snape is telling her it's Friday, then he refers to the werewolf thing as 'last night', which would make it Thursday, sorry about that. Thankyou Sharpie for spotting it.

She purposefully calls Fred and George Gred and Forge, though. I wanted her to have a funny great friends/ worst enemies relationship with them, and as they call her Nymphadora, which she hates, she calls them Gred and Forge.

When Snape told her she would pass out for a while, he was being rather wistful, and I meant for him to only say that she _might_ pass out for a while, which she obviously didn't.

Thanks again and sorry for any confusion. R&R please!


	7. Two Legged Freaks

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

A/N: Thanks to my lickul brother, Rea274, for the chapter title.

Chapter Seven - Two-legged Freaks

McGonagall and Tonks' relationship over the next few weeks became, to put it lightly, _strained_. They avoided each other at the best of times and purposefully spoke through other teachers and Aurors when a message needed to be passed.

Tonks was finding things a lot better in school now that she was on Snape's good side. It was nice having something that no-one else had (even if Ron continually complained about it) and the ability to gloat over them was an added bonus.

The four Aurors had also decided that since the Sinsore Watches were making life so much easier for them, they would damn the rest of Ratchet's plan to hell and watch the four corners of the castle, rather than sticking to wherever their houses went. Which was why Tonks, at a time she considered far too early to be awake, was sat on a desk in Snape's classroom watching him set up the equipment for his first class of the day, due to start in five minutes.

'Don't the work hours ever get to you?' She yawned again, stretching her arms skyward.

'No. Where is the point in spending half ones life asleep?' Snape pointed out, setting one of the cauldron's straight and turning to face her across the room. 'As you seemed to do in my lessons.'

'You don't necessarily have to be _asleep_ when you're in bed,' Tonks reasoned lightly. 'You could be daydreaming, thinking - which is unlikely if it's me -, singing to yourself, and if you had _company_...' she grinned roguishly, 'that's a whole different matter.'

'Whereas you could be up and about instead of wasting the days away,'

'I mean,' Tonks continued as though she hadn't heard him. 'I'm sure if you asked McGonagall _nicely_ she'd come and keep you company on one of the long winter nights-'

'Nymphadora...' Snape warned.

'Hell, you wouldn't even have to ask, you could just lightly suggest and she'd move faster than Paula Radcliff on steroids-'

'I'm warning you, if you continue this when the students come in...'

'Don't worry Sev,' Tonks grinned. 'I won't downplay you in front of the sprogs. You can continue being the big bad ba... uh... baddie...' she finished rather weakly, deciding too late that a reference from Batman wasn't wise. Snape, fortunately, was too busy re-fastening his cloak to notice.

He raised an eyebrow at her and went back into his storeroom, presumably to get some more ingredients. Tonks was just wondering whether he could cure _anything_ with his beloved potions when an ominous thud and the smashing of a glass reached her ears.

'Sev...? Everything alright?' She called nervously, drawing her wand. There was a menacing pause before;

'Fine, fine... just fell into one of the shelves...' He re-emerged and headed toward the classroom entrance, turning to her with one hand on the doorknob.

'Oh good,'

'Alright... I'm letting them in now. Brace yourself,' he added, opening the door. 'Potter, Weasley, ten points from Gryffindor and _don't_ start another fight in my corridor or it'll be fifty.'

Just another average start to a Potions lesson for Harry Potter, Tonks thought ironically, watching as the Gryffindors filed in, miserable that they had managed to lose points before even entering the room. The Slytherins looked considerably happier at entering their favourite lesson, and a few even waved merrily to her as they passed.

'Bolchett, Dawns, Miss Tonks is here for defence purposes, not a social call,' Snape snapped. 'Now as you are aware, we will be testing the antidotes prepared today. Get out your books; you have fifteen minutes to complete the potions... go.'

The fifteen minutes waned quickly; Snape drifting between the rows of desks leaving either snappish and sneering or gruffly congratulatory comments depending on the house and Tonks watching his progress in amusement. He acted exactly the same way as he had when she had been his student, and she could easily relate to the looks of annoyance and frustration on the Gryffindor's faces.

'Time's up,' Snape said eventually, gliding back to the front of the class. 'Potter, at the front. We will be testing... Malfoy's antidote on you.'

Cries of indignation came from the Gryffindors; Ron even stood up and yelled. They all seemed to think that Malfoy and Snape were conspiring to poison the saviour, which Tonks thought a little dramatic considering they were right in front of the entire class and an Auror and would be carted off to the Dementors before Voldemort could even get to them.

'SILENCE!' Snape roared as a smug-looking Malfoy strutted to the front of the class. 'Malfoy, your antidote...'

It hit Tonks as Draco held out his vial of potion how familiar it looked. The creamy texture, pale colour... it was the Parson Draught he had given her to cure the EnDienda effects; but why in God's name was he giving it to Harry? She shrugged mildly - maybe it was an all-round cure for anything.

Snape handed Harry another vial, this one steaming suspiciously from the top of the thin green potion. 'Drink this, Potter.'

'What is it?' Harry demanded.

'Occulus Inferno. Drink.'

Looking as though he would much rather disagree, Harry raised the vial to his lips and took a long swig; screwing up his face in disgust at the taste.

'Now take the antidote.' Snape ordered, holding out Malfoy's vial.

No argument at this. Potter swallowed the 'antidote' and, as the rest of the class watched on in mingled fascination and anticipation, his face cleared up and he returned to his feet.

'Fifty points to Slytherin.' Snape said, nodding to Malfoy in indication that he could sit back down. 'That is a perfected - although not flawless - version of the Neuteri; a herbal remedy known for it's use in the American Warlock wars of '68 and '93.'

Neuteri... so it wasn't the Parson Draught after all, Tonks mused. She must have been mistaken - although it had looked _so_ similar to the potion she had taken at Spinners End.

Shrugging it off mentally, she watched the rest of the lesson proceed in silence. Snape seemed to be acting different; and he had lost his usual stance and sweeping walk. He no-longer resembled a giant bat, and it disturbed Tonks... but she shrugged it off again and settled herself on the desk when all the students had exited.

'Interesting lesson,' she said cautiously, watching him bend over an essay and scribble something.

'Hmm? Oh, yes...' Snape nodded absently, folding the parchment up and slipping it into his robe pocket. 'I need to go up to the Owlery; I'll see you... whenever...'

He breezed past her and hurried out of the room after the students, slamming the door behind him. Tonks watched him go, one eyebrow arched in mild shock. Something was definitely wrong... and whatever it was, the small piece of parchment in Snape's pocket seemed to be at the centre of it right now.

Mind set, she hopped off the desk and crossed the room to the door, stumbling into the doorframe as she went. She had no idea what she was going to do when she got to Snape; being the klutziest person in the school wasn't likely to help her steal a piece of parchment off him, but she had to at least _try_, didn't she?

She reached the bottom of the stairs to the Owlery and looked up. The edge of Snape's cloak was just visible over the edge of the stone steps, swishing out of sight again and prompting her to move forward.

Tonks hated stairs.

It was well known to the relations she kept contact with, as well as many of the workers back in the Ministry. For someone as accident-prone as she, stairs were a death trap waiting to severely injure her; something she really didn't need more of at the moment. But she knew she had to go and progressed steadily.

The Owlery was a _mess_, and oddly enough reminded Tonks of what her own flat probably looked like. She poked her head tentatively around the doorframe and hoped to Merlin that Snape was facing the other way. He was. Wrinkling her nose at the amount of owl-droppings littering the floor, she crept up behind him, hoping to at least read part of the note over his shoulder when-

CRASH

She slipped on something and was slammed painfully - and loudly - to the floor. Snape spun around, eyes unnaturally wide and wand in his hand, looking ready to curse whoever had snuck up behind him.

'It's me you idiot,' Tonks muttered, getting up and brushing the owl poo off her robes.

'Oh good - I thought it was that idiotic Auror following me. She was way too suspicious during that lesson.' Snape cursed. Tonks frowned. What the hell was he blabbing on about?

Then she looked down and noticed how... how... _male_ she looked. It seemed that during her fall she had unconsciously morphed form into someone Snape recognised.

'I locked the Potions Master in the store cupboard - he shouldn't be found for at least another few hours, giving up plenty of time to escape. I gave Potter the poison... worked like a charm,' Snape grinned broadly. 'I'm sending the Dark Lord the message now-'

As though remembering, he turned and tossed the owl out of the window. Tonks stared at him, heart pounding so loud she was surprised he couldn't hear it. His words were still ringing in his ears when it hit home - it all made sense; why he had been acting so odd, why he had given Harry Malfoy's antidote, the thump and smash in the storeroom... Snape was an impostor. Well, technically it wasn't Snape; it was... who was it?

'Uh, right... what did you put?' she asked carefully, hoping to sound casual.

'Just that the mission was successful and you, Draco and I will be on our way out of Hogwarts immediately,' Snape shrugged. 'Oh come on, Lucious, you aren't still sour that he wouldn't let _you_ pretend to be Snape are you?'

Tonks had to exercise great self control not to cry out when he said the word Lucious; although it did explain the heavy hair weight she could feel on her shoulders. 'Oh... er... no...'

'I mean, he _would_ have let you-' Snape broke off, staring wide-eyed between Tonks and something over her shoulder. Praying that it was an owl, she slowly turned around...


	8. Estranged

... And found herself face-to-face with Lucius Malfoy, wearing the infamous Malfoy smirk.

Chapter Eight - Estranged

'Hello dear niece,' he said placidly, wand directed firmly at her heart. 'Stop gaping, Avery you fool - this is my Metamorphmagus niece Nymphadora Tonks.'

'Don't be such a dunderhead, Avery, _this_ is Nymphadora Tonks. I would have thought that was obvious.' Tonks said automatically, thanking God for her reflex speech. 'Now hurry up and take her wand before she screams the place down and brings Dumbledore on our heels,'

'Uh...' Avery/Snape now looked very upset; he wasn't the brightest fellow in the world and if he made the wrong decision Lucius Malfoy was likely to get _very_ annoyed with him.

'Now, you fool!' Tonks barked, making the man jump again. Apparently deciding that the silent, glaring one must be the hidden niece, he darted forward and went to grab Lucius' wand; an action which ended in him flying across the Owlery and landing with a sickening crack on the floor. 'Attacking your own men, Uncle?'

'Oh, we're _very_ proud of ourselves today aren't we?' Lucius smirked, not lowering his wand. 'And tell me; how _is_ your mother doing after dear Bellatrix' attack? Claws, Nymphadora... always watch her claws. I do.'

'What, you mean when you're screwing around behind your spouse's backs? Very nice, Uncle, but I really didn't need to know.' Tonks snapped, narrowing her eyes.

'You needn't call me Uncle, either. I hardly consider us related, you filthy blood-traitor.' Malfoy snarled, his cool exterior vanishing into thin air. 'There's nothing you can do about any of this; you're too late. By the time you get back to the Gryffindor dormitory, young Potter will be dead and gone. Such a shame...'

'Oh don't tell me you're about to reveal how amazingly cunning your plan was? Typical evil genius; loves the sound of his own voice. How do you know your son didn't cooperate?'

Lucius gave a small laugh. 'Don't flatter yourself Nymphadora - your presence at this school is not threatening to us in the least.'

'Maybe he just doesn't like you.'

'Now you're just stalling... but sorry Nymphadora, time's up. _Avada-_'

Shrieking, Tonks dove to the floor and winced as the white-hot spell breezed above her head and melted a hold in the Owlery wall. The owls took off into the air, screeching and filling the room with flapping wings and feathers; something Tonks _would_ have used to escape, had Lucius not been standing directly in front of the only door.

The room began to clear as the birds exited via the window and she realised her time was waning. She could hear Lucius angrily blasting the frightened owls out of his way, accompanied by the soft thudding of bodies onto the feather-strewn floor. So, acting purely on impulse and ignoring her mind (which was screaming at her to stop), Tonks scrambled to her feet and ran with the remaining owls toward the window; hands over her head to protect her eyes from talons.

Before she could figure out what the hell she was doing she was on the window ledge. Then before she could even register that she was two hundred feet above a churning lake, housing God-along knows what in its black depths, she had jumped.

Time seemed to stop as she hung in mid-air for what seemed like an eternity, wide eyes staring down at the abyss below. Then, the buzz-kill that gravity is, she began to fall.

Her robes streamed up in the wind and she clamped her stinging eyes closed; her mind not even bothering to think that she was still morphed as Lucius - it was too busy cooking up all the horrible deaths imaginable. Drowning; being eaten; drowning; splatting all-out onto the lake surface; drowning...

But being 'splatted all-out onto the surface' looked most probable at the moment as the lake (looking ominously like a solid black marble wall) came up to meet her at an alarming rate. The last thing she spotted, and didn't even register until she was under, was several hundred yelling students and teachers watching her fall in her peripheral vision.

The lake hit her like a wall of solid ice, knocking the sense out of her for several long seconds. Her brain vaguely registered the fact that she could no-longer inhale the vital oxygen her body needed, but her lungs didn't start to scream and ache for a good few minutes.

She felt herself slowly sinking; looking up at the bubbles she had caused upon crashing into the placid surface. It was very serene down here, she managed to think; it was quite a wonder why people didn't come down here all the time. Oh yeah. Because people need _air_.

Her lungs were now on the verge of collapsing and every inch of her body could feel it. Using the last of her draining energy, Tonks heaved her arms out of their stupor and pushed herself toward the surface. God she ached... diving brainlessly out of Owlery windows was not a sport she was considering taking up, especially without a parachute or bathing costume. The stupid robes were stopping her legs moving properly, and had she not known hundreds of students were waiting for her at the surface - speaking of which, where were the unhelpful buggers! - she would have pulled them off.

She broke the surface and gasped in air. Her extremities - all of them; still a man - were numb and Lucius' stupid hair was hanging in front of her eyes and preventing full vision.

'_Petrificus Totalus_!' A voice yelled. Tonks couldn't even graphically curse before she was frozen, suspended waist-deep in water and dripping back onto the glassy surface.

'Lucius Malfoy... what are you doing in Hogwarts?' It was McGonagall, the stupid idiot. How the hell should _Tonks_ know what Lucius was doing...?

Oh crap. Harry.

Fighting the spell was impossible, and McGonagall didn't look like she was going to unfreeze her any time soon. Tonks could only pray that Dumbledore would appear and-

'Bring him in, Minerva,' well thank Merlin.

The white-haired wizard appeared through the students, ashen faced and serious. 'Back to your dormitories... no wait. Unfreeze him, Minerva... we need to know whether there are more.'

It was even a relief to fall with an agonizing thump to the grass, and Tonks didn't even give them chance to start questioning her.

'Sir, they've poisoned Harry you need to get him to Snape, he's locked in his store cupboard!' She yelled, spitting out water.

The Headmaster looked at her disbelievingly. 'And how do we know that you aren't lying to get us preoccupied?'

Ready to scream her lungs dry that she had _not_ just jumped out of the Owlery window and plunged two hundred feet into the sodding lake for no reason, Tonks morphed back into herself.

'Oh my lord...' Dumbledore turned in a whip of his blue robes and had vanished into the castle, leaving Tonks at the mercy of the onlooking students and McGonagall.

'Taking a dip, Nymphadora?' One of the twins grinned as the two of them each took one of her arms and heaved her upright. 'Little nippy for that, isn't it?'

'Shut your pie hole, Weasley,' she snapped, shivering. 'McGonagall, Lucius was in the Owlery!' She yelled over her shoulder at the awaiting Transfiguration teacher.

The twins were under orders to escort her directly to the infirmary with no stops, no Gryffindor common room, no passing Go and no collecting two hundred pounds, but there was no way in hell she was about to allow that. A little hypothermia was easily cured by a mug of coff... hot chocolate. She steered them in the direction of the dungeons and told them that they were quite welcome to return to their peers and leave her to free Snape - who was undoubtedly going to be a little miffed by now.

'You sure you're alright?' Fred asked seriously.

'Fine, fine, thanks boys,' Tonks nodded, stumbling down the steps and approaching the Potions classroom door. She pushed it open and crossed the room to the store cupboard, aware that she was dripping icy water all over the floor and was probably going to slip on it later on.

The small room was dark and cramped, but she could just make out a hunched figure in one corner, bound and gagged with his face covered by a sack. She sniffed ironically and crouched down in front of him, working with trembling and numb fingers at the ropes until Severus Snape (the real one this time) threw the sack off.

'Tonks... what happened? Where's Avery?' He asked, looking at her and frowning. 'Why are you soaked?'

'Long story, I'll tell you when you cure Potter.' She said, gesturing to the door. 'He's been poisoned and I think Dumbledore's bringing him here now.'

'On the contrary, Nymphadora...'

'Oh bugger,' Tonks muttered, standing with Snape and turning to glare at her Uncle; standing in the doorway with both his and Snape's wands (how the hell he got that Tonks had no idea) in his hand.

'Quite the little adventure, Nymphadora here has had today, Severus...' Lucius smirked between them both. 'She managed to trick Avery into thinking she was me, and then she evaded my expunging her by jumping out of the Owlery window and falling what must have been two hundred feet into the lake.'

'Really?' Snape said, both his face and voice expressionless.

'Yes, really... now come on out of there the two of you. And _you_, dear niece, had better not try anything either stupid or heroic, or I shall have to hurt you.' He stepped back out and waited for them to re-enter the classroom before shoving them against one of the desks, holding them at wand point. 'Quite the surprise awaiting Dumbledore when he arrives, wouldn't you think... aah, that would be him now...'

The door was thrown open and the Headmaster entered in a whirl of robes and magic, an unconscious Potter in his arms and Ron and Hermione following. They were also accompanied, to Tonks' surprise, by the Parkinson sisters.

'Aah, we've been waiting for you Dumbledore,' Lucius smiled insanely. 'Put Potter down on the desk and drop your wand.'

'This achieves nothing, Lucius.' Dumbledore said slowly. 'Severus, you know what-'

'Severus, if you move I'll kill the both of you.'

'I know, Headmaster,' Snape said, ignoring Lucius and reaching into various robe pockets. 'I had the anti-serum on my person anyway... how is he still alive?'

'A good question, Dumbledore...' Lucius sneered.

'Miss Granger found him dying and ran out to find help. She fortunately ran into Miss Parkinson, who, along with her sister, were already out and about, and by some miracle had her own remedy in her bag. They both had the initiative to give it Potter... hence the reason he is now comatose and not dead.'

'Of course, Headmaster.'

'_Stupefy_!'

Evidently Lucius had had enough of being ignored. Snape's body collapsed onto the floor, and the only reason his miraculous remedy hadn't shattered onto the tiles was that he had anticipated Lucius' actions and slipped it into Tonks' hand a second before.

'Now, Dumbledore,' Lucius snarled in a very slow voice, 'put Potter down on the desk, or I will kill you all.'

Tonks watched as the Headmaster met Malfoy's eyes for a long second, before gently laying the unconscious teenager on the nearest desk and straightening up again.

'And now what, Lucius? I hate to break this to you, but your situation isn't promising,' he said calmly, keeping both eyes on the infuriated Death Eater.

'Keep your mouth shut, old man. I hate to break it to _you_, but right at this moment my son is letting Merlin-alone knows how many of the Dark Lord's followers into your school, and there's nothing you can do about it.'

The room fell silent, Lucius' words echoing off the stone walls and making the truth a thousand times worse. Tonks could do nothing but stare and pray that he was bluffing; pray that Draco wouldn't have the guts to betray the school and Dumbledore. But a scream sounded somewhere above them and it seemed the prayer went unanswered. Tough strappleberries for living as an atheist.

Dumbledore seemed as wordless as she, although he looked considerably more composed than she at the sounds of Death Eaters rampaging through his school and (possibly) murdering students.

'And what now, Lucius? Are you to kill me?' He asked quietly.

'No, I am going to wait for my son to arrive; then _he_ will kill you,' the Death Eater shrugged, his proud smile widening considerably upon Malfoy-juniors entrance to the room. 'Aah Draco... am I to trust from the noises coming from upstairs that you have let them in?'

'Yes father.' Draco smirked, passing in a wide arc around Dumbledore and stopping beside Lucius.

'Good, good... and you are ready to complete your task?'

'Yes father.'

Lucius lowered his wand and stepped back, allowing his son the floor. Tonks stared at the boy, willing him to be the snivelling coward she always thought he was and back down so that they could deal with the screams above them (getting ominously louder).

He didn't.

Cool as a cucumber (oh my god that is _so_ inappropriate for this), he raised his wand and aimed it directly at the Headmaster's heart, face set.

'_Avada-_'

'No!'

That did it.

Tonks had been threatened.

She had almost been killed.

She had fallen into owl secretion twice and dove headfirst out of a bloody Owlery window, two hundred feet into the bloody lake.

She had been mistaken for a Malfoy.

For the love of God she had _not_ just done all of that to stand and watch her spotty, adolescent cousin slaughter Dumbledore right in front of her bloody eyes!

It was another action done without first notifying the thinking-parts of her brain what she was about to do, but she was too wet, cold and tired to _give_ a french chimpanzee.

Her wand was in the water-soaked depths of her robes somewhere so she didn't bother with it. She instead launched herself at Draco, hands wrapping around his scrawny throat before the second word of the incantation could even escape his lips.

The two tumbled to the floor, his wand clattering across the tiles uselessly. She could vaguely hear Dumbledore cursing Lucius into oblivion and yelling instructions for her to revive Snape and cure Potter, but she was a little too busy concentrating on strangling her bloody cousin at the time. Plus she had forgotten that he had the Malfoy strength.

He threw her off and scrabbled to reach his wand.

'_Revivius_!' (A/N: Sorry I had to make that up...)

Her spell hit Snape in the chest, but she didn't wait for him to wake up. Malfoy's fingers had closed around the handle of his wand and she only just managed to lunge forward and pin both his arms to the floor.

'Oh hell... _stupefy_.' Snape snarled from somewhere behind her.

For half a second she thought he was going to turn Death Eater on her and curse_ her_, but the beam of scolding red light shot under one of her arms and hit Draco. Snape then hurried over and heaved her up.

'Dumbledore wants you to cure Potter...' she panted, sliding down the wall beside the unconscious Lucius and kicking his wand viciously across the room.

'Oh yes... of course,' Snape's eyes sought out the unconscious boy and he went to him, taking the vial from Tonks' outstretched fingers beforehand. 'Let us pray we aren't too late.'

A/N: Bam bam baaaaaaam... another cliff-hanger.

Thanks for all the reviews, give me more! I love you reviewers!


	9. I'm Back, Bitches!

Disclaiming reminder: I own the plot, but that's about it. Done listening to Robert Palmer's _Addicted to Love_.

Snape has to kiss her!! He can't _not_ kiss her!! Hands up who wants SnapeTonks fluff!!!!!!

BAD LANGUAGE WARNING

Chapter Ten - I'm Back Bitches!! (Yes, I realise that was the latest chapter of The Hogwarts Klutz, but what the hell...)

'Let us pray we aren't too late...'

Tonks did pray. She didn't know who on Earth she was praying _too_ (the purple and orange gorilla that lives in the moon sprang to her mind), but by God she prayed anyway. They were in deep shit if Harry died.

Snape bent over the comatose boy and raised his head, the vial of antidote raised to Potter's lips. Tonks held her breath and crossed her fingers (feeling more than a little stupid), repeating the words "it's gotta be harder than that to get rid of the little shit," over and over in her mind.

Another crash sounded, this one sounding a lot closer to the dungeon door.

Snape looked up, worry etched across his pallid face. 'You'd better go stand watch at the door.' he said, shooting her an appraising look to make sure she could still defend them with reasonable success.

'Yes, O Holy One.' Tonks saluted wearily and got to her feet, kicking her sodden shoes off and heading to the door.

Snape bent back over Harry and continued feeding the potion through his barely parted lips. 'If this works...' he began, carefully using the word 'if' rather than 'when'. Tonks noticed and snorted inaudibly. 'You need to apparate Potter out of here and get him to Black's house.'

Tonks raised an eyebrow. 'Why?'

'Because I highly doubt the Dark Lord is present at Hogwarts tonight, and we wouldn't want Potter getting himself killed now, would we?'

He had a slight sarcastic tinge to his voice and Tonks shot him a look. 'No, we wouldn't.'

'Exactly.'

'But I don't see why _you_ can't apparate him; I can barely get just _me_ somewhere in one piece.'

'I think Dumbledore would need my presence here.' he snapped, setting Potter's head back down on the desk and straightening up. 'And in the state you're in I doubt you could do much good.'

Tonks scowled. 'You just want to make sure McGonagall gets out alive.'

'Don't be so immature. This is a war, Nymphadora; you can't just choose whether or not to be the hero of the day. Although you seem to be doing rather well so far...'

'Yeah,' Tonks snarled, teeth gritted angrily. 'Because I really _wanted _to be hit with an EnDienda curse, get mauled by my annoying werewolf cousin and fall from the Owlery into the effing _lake_. I just didn't feel I was getting enough _attention_, what with my falling down everywhere. It's no wonder McGonagall loves you; you're bloody perfect for each other.'

She finished, panting, and leaned against the doorframe, eyes fixed purposefully into the dark corridor. Snape was silent for a while, pacing back and forth in front of Harry - either contemplating her speech or waiting for the boy to wake.

Tonks glowered at the shadows, as though her luck the past few days had been their fault.

After a moment her brain clicked and she realised that the castle was silent. The screams had subdued from above them and the only thing Tonks could hear was the pattering footfalls of a rat, scurrying from one set of shadows to another.

She wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not... surely the Death Eaters, no matter how many of them there was, couldn't have overtaken Hogwarts already.

'He's waking up.' Snape's voice, slightly softened and less accusatory than before, jerked Tonks out of her reverie and drew her attention over to Harry. 'Potter. _Potter_, focus...'

Harry emitted a groan and Tonks felt her heart lift with relief. 'Ow my _head_.' he moaned, struggling to sit up.

'Yes, I'm getting that a lot recently.' Snape said humourlessly. 'Drink this.'

Harry reluctantly took the glass. 'What is it?'

'Water.'

The boy looked doubtful, but swallowed a mouthful anyway. 'What happened? I just remember being sat in the common room and... and... that's it...'

'You were poisoned.' Snape said curtly, retrieving his wand from the floor and binding the unconscious Death Eaters with it. 'Weasley and Granger are somewhere about the castle and Nymphadora will escort you to Black's house, where you will remain until you are called.'

Tonks chose to intervene here. 'No Nymphadora will not.' she said calmly. 'Nymphadora is going to do her job as an Auror which, I might add, gives me authority over you, and find Shackles, Hestia and Moody. And Dumbledore, obviously. _You_,' she continued, jabbing her finger in his direction, 'are going to take Potter to Black - I mean Sirius's - house.'

'Not an option-' Snape began angrily.

'Actually it is. Later!' beaming brightly, Tonks stepped out of the classroom and closed the door, hurrying toward the steps to the entrance hall before the Potions Master could follow her. Man was he ever gonna be pissed...

Wand drawn and eyes ready, she tentatively took a few steps and emerged into the vast room. The marble staircase was to her left and the doors to the great hall directly in front of her, but she couldn't hear any voices or spell-fire from either direction.

Knuckles white around the handle of her wand, Tonks headed for the stairs.

'Tonks!'

Kingsley and Minerva McGonagall stepped out of the great hall, wands drawn and robes torn. Tonks exhaled in relief and went to meet them, momentarily forgetting her dislike for the latter.

'Where is everyone?' Kingsley asked, before she could speak.

Tonks frowned. 'Eh? I've been in the dungeons with Harry and Snape.'

'Bugger... we can't find them. We've looked all over the castle and they aren't anywhere. They've vanished, and so have the Death Eaters...' Kingsley explained. Tonks stared at him.

'What do you mean? The entire _school_ has vanished?!'

'Everyone.' McGonagall said quietly. 'There's no-one left here. No Dumbledore, no students, no teachers, no Aurors.'

'But... they... we... I... the...'

Giving up, Tonks rubbed her head and looked around. 'Are you sure? They must be somewhere around here... they can't have just vanished, it isn't possible...'

'Well just think...' Kingsley said slowly. 'The Death Eaters wanted Harry out of the way for their little invasion, which means Voldemort is probably involved... all I know is that the entire school was in here and Minerva and I were running here... but when we arrived they weren't there...'

Tonks was at a loss for words. 'Have you tried the grounds?' she asked eventually.

Kingsley nodded, sighing.

The silence was broken momentarily by the arrival of a snow white owl; one that Tonks recognised as Hedwig. It landed softly on her shoulder and stuck its leg out, giving her the chance to unfasten a screwed up letter before it took off onto the chandelier.

Her eyes scanned it roughly and she found them widening the further she got.

'What is it?' McGonagall asked, impatiently.

For a moment Tonks couldn't speak, but after a few seconds she thrust the letter toward them and turned on her heel, running faster than she ever had to get to the dungeons.

_Hogwarts,_

She vaulted the steps and landed with a skid on the slimy floor, steadying herself on a metal bracket and taking off again.

_We are under attack,_

Almost colliding with a wall, Tonks sped down another corridor.

_Whatever you do, don't bring Harry here,_

Her fingertips touched the heavy ebony wood of Snape's classroom door and she threw herself into it, crashing into the dark room.

_Yours, Sirius_

She was too late.

'SNAPE!' she yelled, falling into the room just in time to see the Potions Master and Harry vanish. 'Shit!'

Kinglsey and McGonagall, having read the letter, were right behind her. 'Tell me he wasn't going to Grimauld Place...' the latter moaned, the letter clutched in her hand.

'Bollocks.' Tonks muttered. 'Come on Kings; they'll have to apparate to the end of the street, won't they?'

Shacklebolt nodded and grabbed her hand, his wand already drawn. 'Ready?'

The potions classroom vanished and Tonks found herself standing, still sopping wet from her little swim in the lake, in the hammering rain. The battered street sign bearing 'Grimauld Place' stood to their right and the Aurors were immediately moving, battling the howling wind to get closer to number twelve.

It was then, as her eyes flicked up to the sky, that Tonks saw it.

The tell-tale green skull and snake, looming above them over Sirius' inherited home. An incredible raucous was coming from inside; no sooner had they reached number eleven than the front door was thrown open and a robed man toppled down the steps.

Sirius appeared at the door, wand pointed at the immobile figure.

'Sirius!' Tonks yelled. Her cousin looked up and fixed her with his usual, Weasley-twin-ish rogue grin.

'Evening Tonks; come to join the fun have you?' he asked. A nano second later a stunning spell (thank God) hit him in the square of the back and he followed the Death Eater down the steps. Shacklebolt cursed graphically and ran forward, a curse already on his lips.

Tonks followed more steadily, her eyes raking across every visible window in the house. The lights were off in most, and the only place currently occupied seemed to be the living room, where violent flashes of light gave away the inner activities.

_Oh _**watermelons** Tonks thought, hurrying to follow Kingsley. McGonagall had just appeared behind her, glasses askew and red hair flying everywhere in the wind.

'Revive Sirius for me!' Tonks yelled, vaulting the two bodies on the steps and crashing into the dimly lit hallway. Portraits on either side of her were screaming various insults to both sides of the fight, someone had finally blasted the effing elephant's foot umbrella stand into a thousand, scorched pieces, and she had arrived just in time to have a spell aimed haphazardly at her by a hooded Death Eater. One out of three isn't so bad...

Dodging the spell, Tonks fired one back and watched, triumphant, as the man fell and his face was revealed. Avery. Bastard; what was he doing here?!

She stunned another robed opponent and stepped into the living room.

Lupin and Kingsley were standing by the fireplace, duelling with Crabbe senior and a man Tonks recognised from the Ministry's Death Eater files... his name was Caramon, or something like that.

'Watch the werewolf, Crimon.' Crabbe snarled, shooting a hex at Lupin.

Crimon, that was it. Rex Crimon. Hmm... maybe she was just thinking of caramel...

'_Stupefy_!' Tonks yelled hoarsely, aiming her wand at the offending Death Eaters. Her spell connected with Caramel (it's _Crimon_, damn it!!) and he fell to the floor with a dull thud. Lupin took out Crabbe easily and the three surveyed the room for a moment in silence.

Tonks' eyes fell on a robed body by the sofa.

She felt her heart pull painfully at the familiar greasy, black hair. Snape...

'Is he dead?' she asked, stepping on Caramel (oh for the love of-) to get to the Potions Master. Her fingers shifted aside the lank hair and felt for a pulse on his neck.

Lupin appeared beside her. 'I don't know... I didn't see what he was hit with. He managed to shove Harry into the fireplace and send him back to Hogwarts before he was hit...'

Tonks found herself feeling desperate to find a pulse... he wasn't dead; he was _Snape_, Snape always emerged amongst the living... surely he couldn't be-

The gentle thud of his heartbeat hit her fingers and she almost collapsed with relief (something she seemed to be experiencing a lot of recently).

'I'd better go get Harry.' Kingsley said after a moment. He vanished into the fireplace and Tonks sat down on Caramel's (I'm going to hurt you...) back.

Lupin sat on the sofa and helped her roll Snape onto his back. His lip was bleeding and it looked as though he had just been hit by a stunning spell; something she was very grateful for. She was starting to take to the old bat... uh... Potions Master...

He groaned and shifted slightly, making her jump.

'Sev?' she poked him in the arm. 'Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.'

He opened his eyes and glowered at her half-heartedly. 'Harry's at-'

'Hogwarts, we know. So much for not playing the hero, huh?' she asked, raising an eyebrow pointedly. 'Oh yeah... and we have another problem.'

He cringed and sat up. 'Go on.'

'In the short space of time we were reviving Harry, something happened.'

Tonks sighed and looked down at the floor. They were in a desperate situation and she didn't know how to explain it to the two men; obviously Kingsley wouldn't have had time to tell Lupin.

'What's wrong?' the werewolf asked, clearly seeing how distressed she was and looking very worried. 'What happened? Is it Dumbledore?'

Snape looked equally apprehensive and Tonks took a deep breath, ready for their sudden reactions. God knew what they were going to do now, but she felt ever so slightly comforted that she still had her best friend (Shacklebolt), her oldest cousins best friend (Lupin) and Snape (er... Snape...) with her.

Surely one of them would know what to do.

'What's happened, Tonks?' Snape asked gently, looking into her eyes. 'What happened at Hogwarts?'

Inhaling, Tonks bit her lip.

'Aliens invaded Earth with automatic lazer guns and probes; we're the only survivors.'

... End of Chapter Ten...

Tonks: Well, at least someone else got injured in this Chapter.

Snape: Yes, _me_.

Tonks grinning sweetly: And I'm, like, all _concerned_!

Snape grimacing: I feel privileged. I can't believe you didn't kill that fleabag off though!

Author: You can't say that about Sirius! Everyone loves him! They'd **kill** me!

Snape: Fine, fine... there were a lot of unnecessary expletives in this chapter, I'll have you know. Although it doesn't surprise me that it was Nymphadora that said them...

Tonks sweetly: Excuse me one moment.

They both run into the horizon, Tonks beating him repeatedly with a haddock

REVIEW ME, BABY!!! You know you want to!!

And the kissing is _so_ coming soon... but only if you review. I want the count higher than the Hogwarts Klutz XP.


	10. Realisation

**Want a wicked song? DJ Cammy's _Kiss Kiss_. It rocks hard ar... um... ass...**

Snape and Lupin's faces remained blank for a moment. Tonks pursed her lips in order to keep from laughing, wondering just what they were thinking.

'Tonks...' Snape said after a moment.

She felt her control slipping and a grin slid onto her face. 'Yes?'

Snape looked directly into her eyes, his own black irises twinkling with boyish mischief that she alone seemed to conjure in him.

'I believe that means it's our obligation to re-populate the planet.'

'...'

Chapter Eleven - Realisations

'So what really happened?' Lupin asked, picking Tonks up off the floor and fighting a grin. 'Is everyone alright?'

Tonks, narrowing her eyes at the Potions Master, who looked back innocently, sat back down on Caramel. 'No; they've really gone. Not into outer space,' she added quickly. 'But they've vanished. I left you and Harry and went to find them, and all I found was Kingsley and McGonagall. They'd been all over the castle.'

'How is that possible?' Lupin asked hurriedly, staring at her. 'They can't have just _vanished_.'

Tonks shrugged wearily. 'Well they did.'

Kingsley and Harry appeared in the room with a flash of green flames. 'Have you explained...?' the Auror asked, looking between them.

'Yeah. With disturbing results.' Tonks added under her breath, shooting Snape a look. 'So what do we do now?'

'Well I'd have thought that was obvious.' Snape said, pointedly not looking at her. 'We have to find out where they went. Normally I'd be the last person to suggest involving the Ministry, but this time I think the more hands on deck the better.'

'I'll do that.' Kingsley nodded, hurrying out of the room, presumably to apparate to the Ministry of Magic and alert all Aurors.

Tonks sighed and massaged her temples with her hands. 'We don't even know where to _start_.'

'Well it's obvious that the Death Eaters took them somewhere, so I think-'

Snape stopped and his face screwed up in pain, his right hand clutching his left forearm. Tonks and Lupin exchanged a worried glance.

'Sev?' Tonks asked cautiously.

'The Dark Lord,' Snape winced and released his arm. 'He's calling all the Death Eaters back to him. I have to go; I can find out where they are keeping Dumbledore...'

He went to stand up but Tonks grabbed his arm and yanked him back down again furiously. 'Are you for real, Cinderella?!' she snapped, using the first name that sprung to mind. He raised an eyebrow. 'I think that by now someone will have told them you're on our side.'

'Who?' he said pointedly, shaking her hand off. 'No-one at from the dungeons made it back.'

'How do you know? We left the Malfoys in there.'

Harry spoke up. 'They were still there, Professor...'

'There.'

'Thanks Harry.'

Snape gripped her arms and pulled her to her feet. 'I know what I'm doing, and this may be the only chance we have of finding out where Dumbledore and the students are.'

Tonks scowled. 'They'll kill you.' she said bluntly.

'I commemorate your faith.'

'Bugger off.'

'Child.'

Lupin gently set a hand on Tonks' shoulder. 'Look, Nymph, maybe Severus is right... you said yourself we wouldn't know where to start; and this gives us somewhere.'

Tonks didn't say anything, she merely met Snape's steady gaze. Voldemort always knew when one of his Death Eaters was going to betray him; the Ministry had received many hints from many traitors, just to find their bodies suspended a hundred feet above London.

She didn't want Snape to share their fate.

'It's stupid.'

A smile crept onto the Potions Master's lips. 'I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, we only have the one plan.'

Minerva McGonagall chose that moment to appear at the living room door, panting and clutching her chest. 'I hate to interrupt... but could someone help me drag Black inside? He hit his head on the steps and I can't revive him... the best we can do is get him inside...'

'We're coming, Minerva,' Lupin said. 'Come on Harry; it looks like the idiot got himself into trouble again.'

The three of them left, leaving Tonks and Snape along in the sitting room. She looked down at the Death Eater she was standing on, avoiding meeting his eyes. Snape lifted a hand to her chin and raised her face until she had no choice but to meet his gaze.

'You know we have no alternate plan, Nymphadora.' he said quietly.

'Its Tonks.' she corrected automatically, fists clenching like a stroppy child. (Don't flame me, anonymous assholes, she's _meant_ to be acting like a 12 year old. God.)

Snape's lips twitched. 'My apologies.'

'And this plan is wank.'

'I'm going to congratulate you on your word choice, but that doesn't alter our situation.'

'Maybe it does. Maybe I should just go up to Voldemort and demand he frees Dumbledore, using specific words.'

'If nothing else, you are optimistic.'

She scowled and stomped her foot down, missing Caramel's head by an inch at most. 'It _sucks_. But I guess you're right.'

'I'm always right.'

'Yeah, yeah... but if you get killed, I'm going to bring you back and kill you again. And then bring you back _again_ and burn you. At the stake.' she added for good measure.

He smirked. 'If you ever paid attention in any of your lessons, you would know that the infamous witch burnings of Salem did nothing but-'

'Hurt a lot. You won't have your wand and you'll be drugged, asshole.'

Snape chuckled and Tonks fell silent, realising that nothing she could say was going to stop him going. He noticed her expression and sighed heavily, looking down at her through greasy curtains.

'You could have a _little_ faith that I will return alive.' he pointed out. She muttered something inaudible and he lifted her chin again. 'What was that?'

'I said you'd better.' she replied. 'Come back alive, I mean.'

'I'm honoured that you care.'

She grinned wickedly. 'I don't, I'd just hate to see Minerva so torn up over your death. Al-_though_...' she paused, eyes sparkling evilly. He narrowed his own down at her.

'Don't even go there...' he warned. 'Don't _even_...'

Tonks shrugged innocently. 'She could be into necrophilia if she loves you _that_ much.'

Snape shuddered and sat down on the sofa, listening in amusement to the sounds of Black being hauled toward the kitchen. 'Fat git, isn't he?'

'Who, Black? Don't worry; I don't think Minerva's interested- aargh!'

Tonks yelled in shock as he grabbed her and pulled her down onto the sofa beside him. 'One more word about McGonagall and I and I swear to Merlin you'll regret it-'

'What about you and me?' McGonagall asked as she, Lupin and Harry passed the door with Sirius supported between them.

Tonks smiled sweetly. 'Severus was just telling me about your passionate relationship, Minerva. All those naught rendezvous around the castle.'

Snape let his head fall into his hands, mortified. McGonagall's eyes widened and she stared at the Metamorphmagus with an expression that could have been shock, could have been humiliation and could also have been mortal hatred. Lupin and Harry simply looked between the three of them, dumbfounded.

'Uh... wasn't anyone supposed to know about that?' Tonks asked in a sugary voice. 'Oopsy.'

_Hehe, that'd teach her to be such an old bag. _

'Er... we'd better get Sirius upstairs with Buckbeak... that way if they come back the Hippogriff can protect him. Have you decided...?' Lupin trailed off, looking between Snape and Tonks. Realising the fun as over, Tonks' face fell again and she sat back. The werewolf gave a small, wise smile and led Harry and McGonagall in dragging Sirius to the stairs.

They were silent for a moment; Tonks sat back against the sofa and Snape leaning forward with his head still in his hands, evidently still getting over what she had said to McGonagall.

'I don't want you to go.' she said abruptly.

He shifted slightly, sitting up but not turning to look at her. His face was shielded by his hair.

'It'd be pointless, he'll know you betrayed him.' she continued urgently.

'He hasn't known so far. The others tried to convince him, but he remained certain that I wasn't a traitor. I believe he still thinks that way... and all I need to do is find out where he's keeping Dumbledore. Once I know I can return while you 'rally the troops', so to speak.'

Tonks sighed. 'And we go to war.'

'It had to happen some time. It's the same in any war; the opposing leader can only take it too far before the battle to the death comes.' he suddenly sounded tired and Tonks closed her eyes, unwilling to cry. He was right. She had known ever since she became an Auror and member of the Order of the Phoenix that she would have to be a part of the 'Final Battle', she just never wanted it to come...

Perhaps she thought that Harry and Dumbledore would have finished finding the Horcruxes before she would have to fight Voldemort full on.

Perhaps she just wished, in some naïve section of her mind, that Dumbledore would just gather the Order together one day and say happily that Harry had defeated Voldemort and the Death Eaters overnight.

'It would be nice, wouldn't it?'

Bugger. She'd forgotten about his Occlumency skills. Bastard.

'Appreciated.'

'Sod off.' she sniffed sulkily. 'You won't even make it to the battle; Voldemort'll kill you when you arrive.'

He snarled and got to his feet, kicking Caramel's body out of the way and turning to face her. 'So you keep insisting. But did you ever think for a second that I _wouldn't_ die?! Or is that too much for your irritating little mind to handle?'

Turning on his heel, he swept angrily out of the room, almost knocking Lupin over as he went.

The werewolf sighed and sat down beside Tonks.

'What happened?' he asked gently.

'Bastard.' was all Tonks managed before sliding further down in the sofa and sniffing, tears coming to her eyes.

Lupin took her hand. 'Look,' he said quietly. 'I saw how he looked when you talked. I didn't see that kind of emotion in him even when we were at Hogwarts. He likes you, and you obviously like him. And perhaps you shouldn't be so insistent that Voldemort will kill him.'

'He will.' Tonks murmered sadly. 'I know he will.'

'There's a high chance Voldemort still believes Snape a faithful Death Eater. If he goes back and backs this up by saying he's been pretending to be on _our_ side, he'll be fine... and he could help save the students.'

'Fuck the students.'

'No thankyou.' Snape was standing at the door. Tonks scowled and looked at the fireplace. 'Fucking students was never on my agenda. I always preferred Aurors.'

Despite herself, Tonks snorted. Lupin squeezed her hand before getting up again and passing the Potions Master into the hall. Snape didn't move.

'I have to go. Leaving it too long will make it more suspicious.'

Tonks didn't look at him. 'Fine.'

Hurt flickered in his eyes and although she didn't see it she knew she'd wounded him. 'I'll see you if... _when_ I return.'

He vanished and she scrambled to her feet. In her hurry to make it to him before he apparated her foot caught the edge of Caramel's robes and she stumbled, colliding with the Potions Master (who seemed to be of the same frame of mind and had returned again). They both tumbled to the floor and landed in a very compromising position.

Lying on top of the Potions Master, Tonks felt her face redden as she realised just how close they were.

'Um... not my fault...' Tonks said, rolling off him and lying on her back. 'Your fault. Entirely.'

'Face it, you just want me.' Snape replied idly. Tonks sniggered at such an out of character comment, before realising that he had been making a lot of those recently. Perhaps Lupin was right...

'Okay, you have to go... I get it.' she sighed. 'Just try and come back alive, 'kay?'

She saw him turn and look at her out of the corner of her eye. 'Of course. You never know, it may not be time for the final battle after all. But whenever I feel the need to either be a blindingly obvious traitor or come out with some heroic statement for Dumbledore I will remember your many threats of burning.'

He got to his feet and offered her a hand.

'Good.' she said, taking it and hopping to her feet. 'When you come back I'll remember your sex preferences.'

Grinning broadly at the expression on the Potions Master's face, Tonks half-skipped out of the house and prepared to join Kingsley in 'rallying the troops'.

:: End of Chapter Eleven::

Sing with me! They almost kissed, they almost kissed. Tonks and Sna-ape sittin' in a tree, doing something they shouldn't be...

Okay then, I'm done.

Please comment for me!! On all the chapters!! Frequently!! Under many different names!! I want this one to overtake StrawberryKoneko's damned story.

On another note, her stories Alien Aikou and Stuck On You are the funniest Tokyo Mew Mew fics you'll ever read. I quote:

"You fondled my BRA!!"

And...

'That's it! I'll take her to the circus! They'll pay me millions for a talking neko! I'll buy me a solid gold house and a rocket car!' Kish stepped towards Ichigo and twitched. 'And also a hippo…'

BUT REVIEW MINE MORE!!!

... review more and I'll put fluff in. Fluffy fluff.


	11. A Gift from the Dark Lord

Chapter Eleven - A gift from the Dark Lord

The Ministry of Magic lobby was just as full of life as usual when Tonks arrived; although she seemed to be seeing it in a different light. Thoughts that in twenty four hours it may not be here kept popping annoyingly into her mind.

Waving vaguely to the receptionists, Tonks strode straight to the elevator, which was helpfully held open for her by a tall man with shaggy hair and a revoltingly-patterned shirt.

'Evening Richard.' Tonks sighed, watching the lobby vanish. 'Nice day?'

The man wrinkled his nose. 'Not really. I can't find Dumbledore _anywhere_. Hogwarts is empty; did they all go on a trip or something?' He glanced down at her and she shrugged.

'Or something, I guess...' she supplied, feeling relieved when the doors slid open and she could step out. 'Bye.'

'See you later.'

Snape apparated outside Voldemort's hidden manor and began walking to the door. The Dark Lord had only been using this place for headquarters for the past few months; its previous owners had been very cut off from society, which was why it was so convenient for the Death Eaters when they had been disposed of.

_Disposed of... incinerated it more like it. Come to think of it..._

Casting a glance to his right, Snape smirked slightly at the sight of two smouldering corpses swinging from an elm tree.

_Thought so._

He knocked a rhythm on the door and waited, impatiently, for Goyle to open the door. The larger man grimaced and stepped back to allow Snape entrance.

'Where's Crabbe?' he growled, slamming the door again and leading the way into a vast wine cellar. ''E went to-'

'Black's house?' Snape asked, lightly twisting a silver ring on one of his fingers. 'I know; it was bloody stupid of him too. He's probably under arrest right now.'

'Severus...' a thin voice spoke out of the gloom and the two men fell instantly silent, both stooping into bows. 'I am glad to see you here at last... now we can begin...'

Voldemort stepped out of the shadows and the Death Eaters formed a circle around him. Snape took his usual position beside Crabbe; the place where the Malfoys should have stood looking suspiciously bare.

'Lucious and Draco...' the Dark Lord said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'They are still at Hogwarts?'

Snape nodded his confirmation and Voldemort turned away, twirling a wand idly in one of his grey hands as he paced before his men.

'We have finally accomplished... the annihilation, obliteration and destruction of the Ministry's threat to us... I know for a fact that two Aurors... by the names of Kingsley Ryan Shacklebolt and Nymphadora Tonks, if I am not misinformed... are on their way to the Ministry of Magic now...'

Snape tensed at Tonks' name, his dark eyes flicking up to watch Voldemort's progress around the circle of Death Eaters. Gritting his teeth, the Potions Master willed himself to forget about her for the time being; if the Dark Lord sensed any feelings of fear or treachery he would 'annihilate, obliterate and destroy' him without a second thought.

'... and I believe they are planning to... gather the Aurors in preparation for battle against us... perhaps they hope to rescue their foolish Dumbledore...'

The Death Eaters chuckled faithfully.

'But fear not...' the Dark Lord turned around and reptilian eyes met Snape's stare directly. 'I've left a little present there for them.'

The Aurors were gathered in the meeting room, all listening avidly to Shacklebolt and Ratchet. They all looked around when Tonks opened the door and attempted to enter unnoticed; subsequently tripping on a folder and falling into a chair.

'Sorry.' she winced. 'Just got back.'

Kingsley beckoned her forward. 'Where is everyone else?' he asked.

'Harry, McGonagall and Lupin are seeing to Sirius; Snape's gone to Voldemort to see if he can figure out where they've got Dumbledore and the kids.' Tonks replied, rubbing her hand and glowering at the folder. 'So what's the plan of action?'

'We're waiting for confirmation from the Minister to see what we do.' Mena put in, biting a hangnail and looking uncharacteristically nervous. 'I sent Willoughby down to him fifteen minutes ago and he hasn't got back yet. Don't know what's keeping the fool...'

Tonks sighed. 'Want me to run down?'

Mena looked at her with an eyebrow raised. 'Go down and see what's keeping him; yes, but don't run because you're dangerous when you do.'

Resisting the urge to swear at her, Tonks nodded and left the room. Kingsley's voice started up again as she closed the door and made her way back to the lift, careful to take Mena's advice and only walk at a swift pace.

She held her thumb on the down button and tapped her feet impatiently, waiting for the doors to slide open. When they finally did she found herself stepping back in surprise. The second set of doors didn't open completely; they merely jerked once before giving up and remaining immobile.

But it wasn't this that worried the Auror.

Hanging out of the doors was a torn strip of yellow and green material; the very same material she had seen moments earlier on Richard Castor's shirt. Frowning, Tonks stepped forward, wand drawn, and touched the lift doors. At her contact they jerked again and flew open.

Tonks screamed involuntarily.

Richard was still inside the lift. His corpse was on the floor, twisted in a very unnatural position, and a nastily large amount of blood was smeared across the metal bottom of the elevator.

His hand twitched and the Auror jumped.

'Richard?!' she exclaimed, diving forward and crouching beside him; one leg sticking out of the doors to prevent them from closing on her. 'Castor, what happened?'

Richard twitched spasmodically and his rolling eyes snapped onto her. He gave a gurgling sound and was still.

Tonks was unable to move for a long time. Eyes wide and vaguely aware of the lift door attempting to close several times before reopening again, she stared down at the blood and Richard's broken body before finding the power to open her mouth and scream.

And scream.

And scream.

She didn't stop screaming until half of the Aurors were crowding around her, gasping and shrieking down at Richard's body.

'Jesus... what the fuck happened to him?!' Ratchet's panicking voice brought Tonks back to earth. Someone; she assumed it was Kingsley; grabbed her around the waist and pulled her out of the lift.

A scream sounded below them. And another above.

Tonks closed her eyes and willed it all to go away. 'What the hell is going on?' she demanded of no-one in particular. 'We have to find out what's going on!'

'How?!' one of the Auror cadets yelled in a terror-stricken voice. 'What if it's You Know Who?!'

'What have you been trained for?!' Tonks shouted, exasperated. Spurred on by the pink-haired Auror, Mena nodded and began taking control in her crisp bark.

'Dawson, Johnson, you take the cadets and patrol up and down this floor. Watkins, Alan, Shacklebolt and Tonks; we're going to the other elevator to find out what the hell is going on here.' the woman commanded, drawing her wand and cracking her knuckles.

Tonks nodded and led the way down the brightly lit corridor, wincing every time one of the lights flickered. Magic lights weren't supposed to flicker.

'Any guesses?'

Chris Alan, a muggleborn son of a basketball champion and an African model, looked down at Tonks, his face creased with either confusion or concern.

She shrugged and shook her head. 'Couldn't even start. If this really is Voldemort's work then he's been fucking busy tonight; first he makes the entire population of Hogwarts vanish into thin air, then he sets something loose here... Jesus...'

'What do you mean, 'sets something loose'?' Alan paused, his grip tightening on his wand. 'You mean this isn't just Death Eaters?'

They reached the other lift and Tonks gingerly pressed for down. The doors slid open and the lift was thankfully devoid of any blood, guts or corpses, and so they stepped inside.

'Which floor?' Alan asked.

'Lobby.' Tonks said. 'If there's something in here, I say we get _out_.'

Ratchet shook her head. 'No; we have to make sure there isn't anyone in here that needs to be out. We have to make sure the Minister is alive.'

Crap.

Tonks had forgotten about the Minister.

'Where is he?' she asked. The lift jerked and she felt her heart stop, but it continued smoothly. 'In his office?'

The Head Auror grimaced and shook her head. 'No. He was... uh... he was in the courtroom. It's Evangeline Cotton's hearing today and he didn't want to miss a Death Eater being put away.'

Tonks stared.

The courtroom.

She had to be kidding.

So they had heard screams from up and down, a mangled corpse had been found in the lift and they were heading for a vast room with lots and lots of wooden benches for things to hide behind.

Brilliant.

:: End of Chapter Eleven ::

God I **hate** this chapter. I hate hate hate hate **hate** this chapter. It sucks hairy ass. Maybe I wont even bother putting it up. If you're reading this, obviously I have.

Wankish chapter.

Comment?


	12. Oh Good Lord I'm Back

Oh. My. Watermelon.

Has it really been this long since I updated?

Yes it has.

XD

Hey guys! It's me again! Back from the not-so-dead!

I wont bore you with details of why I've been too lazy to update here, I'll just get on with the story. Thankyou so much for all your reviews and for being so supportive and patient.

Another not-too-funny chapter, but the humour is coming, don't panic.

Done listening to _My Skin _by Natalie Merchant. Youtube it and listen while you read XD angst angst angst.

--

The lift was gripped in a painful silence as it descended toward the courtrooms. Tonks stood rocking gently on the balls of her feet biting her lip, her mind racing through nightmarish suggestions of what awaited them when the doors slid open.

Oh dear God she was going to die.

"Alright." Mena spoke into the silence. "I know things are getting freakier by the minute, but this is what we're trained for. We're damn well not leaving this building until we've exterminated whatever it is that's in here."

The arrogant tone was back in her voice and Tonks found it bizarrely reassuring. She bit back any smart comments her brain threw out and listened to the orders, wholly prepared to follow them to her demise.

"Tonks, Kingsley, you go in last. Your job is to find the Minister and do whatever is necessary to get him out of there. The rest of us will go in first and if there's anything in there that needs it's ass kicking, we'll do it. Got it?"

A dull murmur of agreement rippled through the lift. Mena snarled. "No, not fucking good enough. You're the Ministry's Aurors. _Have you got it?_"

"Hell fucking yes." Chris Alan spoke out loud.

The lift stopped with an unusually ominous ping and the doors slid open. They were faced with a dark corridor and two sealed white doors that would individually lead to the courtroom floor and a staircase to the balcony. Tonks stepped out beside Kingsley and the five stood in absolute silence, their breath coming out opaque in the icy air.

Mena jerked her head toward the door on the left and Tonks nodded, wand drawn, and proceeded toward the courtroom floor.

If her luck held out, maybe they'd make it back to Grimmauld Place without any casualties.

Fate disagreed with her plans, as usual, and as she gently pushed the door open it was to find a room the size of a small football pitch carpeted wall-to-wall with motionless bodies. The stench of blood hung in the air like a cloud of gas; Tonks had to resist the urge to gag as she stepped into the suffocating darkness with sweat sticking her hair to her cheeks.

"Fuck." she breathed.

Someone let out a soft gasp from the balcony; Mena, Alan and Watkins had emerged from the staircase and had a birds-eye view of the catastrophic scene in the courtroom. Tonks swallowed and closed her eyes. This didn't make sense.

"Tonks." Mena hissed from above them. "Get a grip and find the Minister."

Tonks nodded and led the way to the right of the courtroom, sticking close to the walls and gingerly stepping over anything solid that happened to have fallen in her path. The floor was wet and slippy but she wasn't sure whether it was blood or water that someone had dropped, and to be honest she didn't know which would disturb her more.

The entire room was still eerily silent.

Until one of the benches across the other side of the room shifted slightly, filling the air with the sound of dragging wood. Tonks and Kingsley froze against the wall, wands pointed at thin air. The opposite side of the courtroom was nothing but a mass of dark shapes, and it was highly unlikely that they would be much more than two black figures to anything over there.

Tonks shot Mena's crouched form a glance. The other woman jerked her hand to the centre of the room, indicating that the metamorphmagus should get closer and take a look.

Ideally Tonks would have replied with the finger, but they couldn't risk ignoring movement when there was a chance it could be the Minister for Magic. Kingsley nodded once to show that he had his wand trained on her.

Mentally inventing an angry slew of curse words to use on her boss when the opportunity arose, Tonks stepped down past the first row of benches, carefully avoiding treading on anyone's body. The centre of the room was practically the field of a football ground; rectangular and surrounded by the wooden bleachers where the jury would usually be seated.

So really, not the best place to be if you're trying to remain inconspicuous.

Walking down the steps, Tonks was a bundle of conflicting emotions.

On one hand she wanted to be back at Grimmauld Place with her cousin and his godson and his godson's friends and his godson's friends' Potions Master whom she had become rather attached to as of late.

But on the other hand, said Potions Master was out risking his neck and she was damned if she wasn't returning with a heroic and possibly semi-tragic story to impress them all with.

Something scuttled through the darkness ahead of her and a stab of fear ran down her spine.

She proceeded, wand out, and before she knew it she was standing on the ground floor of the courtroom with acres of dark shapes surrounding her on all sides. The prisoner's chair would be somewhere ahead of her, she made a mental note to watch out for the tell-tale rattle of chains should they be enchanted to grab anyone within a close enough vicinity.

She also forcefully pushed the horrified thoughts of the convicted Death Eater somewhere in the same room as her into the back of her tormented mind.

Then, so suddenly that Tonks had to close her eyes, the lights came back on.

She soon realised that now was not the time to be temporarily blind, as something to her close left let out an angry hiss like a cornered cat.

Tonks swung around, wand raised. She saw Kingsley do the same out of the corner of her eye and felt a small amount of reassurance in the fact that someone had her back… even though said someone was across the hall and probably had no idea what she was looking at.

And then, the storm following the calm, everything fell to pieces at once.

--

Voldemort's laugh ran through Snape to his very bones.

"Yes, I imagine the Aurors are going to be very surprised when they discover what I left for them. My Inferi, trained for years to become an army of the dead, are posted in the Ministry to take out anyone who might pose as a threat."

He turned gracefully on the spot with the supernatural elegance of a ballet dancer until his blood-red eyes were piercing Snape's own. The circle of Death Eaters fell into a stifling silence, following their master's gaze to stare down the Potions Master, who kept his expression calm and impassive in contrast to the fire raging inside of him.

"I must say, Severus… when Lucius came to me with his suspicions of your loyalties I didn't believe him." Voldemort spoke softly, advancing at a glacial speed toward Snape. "The discovery of your betrayal was… unsuspected, I will grant you that."

Snape's inner voice let out a resounding "ohhhhh _shit._"

"But your betrayal seems to have been spurred on by Lucius' pretty niece, and as she isn't going to be a problem much longer you will be forgiven." Voldemort hissed, sounding more and more snake-like the closer he got. "You will, of course, be severely punished for your disloyalty."

It was hard enough keeping his mind blank and listening to the Dark Lord's silky threats, he didn't need to start imagining punishments right now and so Snape simply inclined his head gratefully. He found himself wondering why he was keeping up the guise of being a loyal servant… until he remembered that the entire population of Hogwarts was missing and Tonks was somewhere in the bowels of the Ministry.

Voldemort finally turned away from him and began to glide into the main dining hall, the Death Eaters following at a respectful distance. Snape didn't wait until they had all entered like he wanted to, to show a weakness like that could make the Dark Lord decide he didn't need him after all, and he would be on the menu for the evening.

"Severus, I will allow you to take your usual chair at my side." Voldemort's voice hissed from the other side of the cavernous room.

Snape bowed. "Very gracious, my Lord."

It was beginning to dawn on him just how valuable he was to the reptilian man before him, and Snape felt a small glimmer of hope. Perhaps he would make it out of this after all…

"Our guest of honour should be arriving at any given moment." Voldemort spoke when everyone was seated. "Evangeline Cotton allowed herself to be placed under arrest by the Ministry under my command, so that when our moment arose we would have someone on the inside."

Ah yes… Snape vaguely remembered someone telling him about Cotton's hearing.

"But Miss Cotton will not be joining us alone." Voldemort continued. "She will be bringing us the Minister for Magic himself."

Snape blinked. Fuck… that was _not_ good.


End file.
